IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

📝 Writing topic Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

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Introduction
There is sufficient evidence to infer that a myriad of people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 that
parents
Use synonyms
 spend little free time with their
children
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.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 most
parents
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 try to get their
children
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 to work hard at school and achieve academic success by doing well in exams. I think that
children
Use synonyms
 are more аffected
Body paragraph 1
On
Use the right word
One
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 of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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 of
this
Linking Words
 problem is about
children
Use synonyms
 because most of them try to escape talking with their
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
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while
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 always try to talk
give
Correct word choice
and give
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 solutions for their problems.
Secondly
Linking Words
 teen-agers are busy with school tasks and extra lessons
such
Linking Words
 as math or English
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they always play some kind of games. All too often, they just succeed in causing too much stress in their offspring, with the result that the
children
Use synonyms
 either get ill or fail exams.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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hand,
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 there are some
children
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 who are quite bright, but who are simply not interested in formal learning. Some might be of an artistic bent and wish to
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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 an artist or
designer
Punctuation problem
designer,
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while
Linking Words
 some might have a talent for acting. Other
mary
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Marys
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 show an aptitude for working
their
Change preposition
with their
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 hands or want to start their own business and become entrepreneurs.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
 nowadays the main problem is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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to find a
fee
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few
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 minutes to talk with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 because most families don't have time to talk
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will
effect on
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affect
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 the mentality of
children
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. I strongly believe that we can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem
in a
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soon

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Explain why parents have less free time with children, such as long work hours, travel, house work, and study.
task response
Keep your ideas on the same topic. The part about art, acting, and business does not help explain why families spend less time together.
task response
Give a clear reason why children are more affected. For example, they may feel alone, have stress, or have less help when they need it.
task response
Use one short real-life example. You could write about a parent who comes home late and a child who eats dinner or does homework alone.
coherence and cohesion
Make a simple plan: introduction, reasons, who is more affected, and conclusion. Each body part should have one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main sentence. Then add two or three sentences that explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure that each link shows the right idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion clear and complete. Say again that children are more affected and give the main reason. Do not add a new idea about how to solve the problem unless you explain it.
task response
You give a clear view that children are more affected.
task response
You try to explain how school work, extra classes, and games can reduce family time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Secondly”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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