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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education, whereas others say this is no longer true. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that university-level education is really important to achieve success in life,
while
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 others believe that it is no longer necessary.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before explaining why I believe that higher-level studies are not the only path to becoming successful.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people believe that formal qualification is crucial in achieving prosperity.
In particular
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, individuals who aspire to pursue a professional career must obtain
university-level
Correct article usage
a university-level
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 education. As there is no alternative to obtaining a
professions
Fix the agreement mistake
profession
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such
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 as medicine, teaching, and engineering without having the necessary knowledge and qualifications. One of my cousins is a doctor
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it was a nearly ten-year journey for her to become a successful doctor.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are many individuals who have achieved considerable success without a university degree.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 entrepreneurs need practical experience, some knowledge, and
willingness
Correct article usage
a willingness
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 to take risks to get a positive outcome.
Although
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 there are business-related programs available in universities, it is not necessary to complete
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in order to start your own business. Another modern example of success is the content creation; so many social media influencers who do not possess any degrees are still living their dream life.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 higher-education is required to pursue a certain professional career, it is not the only route to becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful. It ultimately comes to individuals which path they want to choose for themselves.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain what “success” means. It can mean a good job, money, a useful skill, or a happy life.
task response
Develop each main point more. For the university view, explain why study gives needed skills, a degree, and access to some jobs. For the other view, explain how work, practice, and risk can lead to success.
task response
Your examples are useful, but add a little more detail. For example, say how your cousin’s long medical study helped her do her job well. For business, give one clear example of a person or small business.
task response
Your own view is clear, but it could be more direct in the last paragraph. State that university is needed for some jobs, while other paths can also lead to success.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “On the one hand,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.” Put a comma after “On the other hand,”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join too many ideas. Make them shorter and clearer. For example, change “One of my cousins is a doctor, it was...” to “One of my cousins is a doctor. It took her nearly ten years...”
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with one clear main idea, then give reasons and an example. This will help the reader follow your point.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and give your own opinion.
task response
The examples of doctors, business owners, and social media workers are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows what the essay will do.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and brings the essay to a clear end.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • networking opportunities
  • vocational training
  • self-made entrepreneurs
  • gig economy
  • online courses
  • certifications
  • formal education
  • practical experience
  • lifelong learning
  • career goals
  • individual circumstances
  • academic qualifications
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