IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
The transformation of public parks and open spaces into
gardens
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 where local residents can plant
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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 is a popular topic of discussion . Some
people
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 think it has
advantages
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,
while
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 others believe it has
disadvantages
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. In
this
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 essay, I believe that the
advantages
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 outweigh the
disadvantages
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.
Body paragraph 1
There are several
advantages
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 of planting
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 helps to encourage
people
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 to eat healthy
food
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.
For example
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,
people
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 will cook
food
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 from their
gardens
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instead
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 of eating other
food
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may cause diseases.
As a result
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, eating clean
food
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 can improve public health and reduce hospital visits. Another advantage is that
people
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 can spend less money at supermarkets.
Body paragraph 2
For instance
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, shopping requires
people
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 to spend more money, and the price of
fruit
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 and vegetable are higher in some countries,
such
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 as South Korea.
Therefore
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, helps to reduce pollution and make
people
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 care more about the environment.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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disadvantages
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 of
gardens
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 where local residents can grow
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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. One major disadvantage is that
people
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 may ignore local stores, which can cause business owners to lose their businesses.
For example
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, if all individuals have their own
gardens
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, business owners may lose their jobs because nobody will buy their
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 may have a negative impact on the economy. Another disadvantage is the reduction of public parks around the city, which makes it difficult for
people
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 to enjoy nature.
For example
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, some families have many children and need a place to enjoy their time and do some activities.
Therefore
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, increasing the need for
people
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 to have their own parks may cause problems for governments.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the
advantages
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 outweigh the
disadvantages
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 because they improve
people
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’s health and save money

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: the good points are stronger. However, you need to explain this view more fully. In the last part, say why better health and lower food costs are more important than the loss of park space and store sales.
task response
Some ideas need clearer links to the question. For example, growing food can cut food costs, but it does not directly cut pollution. Explain how less food travel, less packing, or local growing can help the environment.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make them more exact. Instead of only saying that food prices are high in South Korea, explain how a small shared garden could help a family buy less food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep each main point in its own paragraph, with a clear first sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph is about.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. The sentence 'Therefore, helps to reduce pollution' has no clear subject and does not follow well from the point about supermarket prices. Add a full sentence that shows the link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'For example' and 'As a result' too often. You can also use simple links such as 'Also', 'Because of this', 'However', and 'In this way'.
coherence and cohesion
The final sentence is too short for your main view. Restate both sides, then clearly say why the good points matter more overall.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and make your own view clear from the opening to the end.
task response
You use relevant ideas, such as healthy food, lower costs, local stores, and space for families.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is easy to follow, and you use clear paragraph breaks.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' help show the order of your ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community engagement
  • Social bonds
  • Sense of belonging
  • Physical exercise
  • Stress reduction
  • Fresh produce
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local biodiversity
  • Urban environment
  • Carbon footprint
  • Educational opportunities
  • Agriculture
  • Nutrition
  • Sustainability
  • Eco-friendly practices
  • Household grocery costs
  • Surplus produce
  • Economic boost
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