IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
It
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it
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 is true that an important part of the population is debating
with
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apply
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the idea of building tall
apartments
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apartment
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blocks
Use synonyms
 to provide enough homes in large cities
in
Change preposition
around
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 the world. I totally agree with the idea of building
infrastructures
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infrastructure
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blocks
Use synonyms
 to offer homes for every
citizens
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citizen
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.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, building a large number of tall
appartements
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apartment
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blocks
Use synonyms
 can be very efficient regarding the small
places
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spaces
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 in big cities. It can
also
Linking Words
 help citizens with low
revenues
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incomes
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 to find accommodations in their budget.
Body paragraph 2
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted by the University of Paris and published by the famous Scientific
Gadile
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American
 in 2020 proves that a large part of the population believes that building tall
apartments
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apartment
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blocks
Use synonyms
 in large cities can
gives
Wrong verb form
give
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 many opportunities for a lot of
persons
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people
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 to find safe accommodations for low prices.
Body paragraph 3
Then
Linking Words
, it is fundamental to take into account the environmental system and the harmful effects
than
Correct word choice
that
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 constructions of basements,
appartements
Correct your spelling
apartments
,
buildings
Correct word choice
and buildings
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 can have on our planet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, every country should take into account the importance of a sustainable vision of
infrastructures
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infrastructure
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.
Body paragraph 4
For instance
Linking Words
, in Portugal, the government tried to find solutions that everyone needs to follow.
with
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With
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 the intention of polluting less, and
find
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finding
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 some specific areas to construct without impacting the environment
which
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, which
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 is a good step for our planet.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I definitely think that it is necessary to create
apartments
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apartment
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blocks
Use synonyms
 to find solutions,
above all
Linking Words
that
Punctuation problem
, that
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 everyone needs to have the possibility to find accommodations and solutions
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
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 regarding the large pollution that it can give rise to.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that tall blocks can give homes to more people. To make your answer stronger, explain why this is the best way, not only one possible way. You could compare tall blocks with houses outside the city or changes to old homes.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. In the first body part, explain how more floors can give more homes on the same small piece of land. Also explain why this may lower the cost for people with less money.
task response
The part about the environment does not fully support your main view. Say how tall blocks can help the environment, for example by using less land and putting people near buses, trains, and jobs. Then note that building work must be planned well.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The Paris study is not explained enough, and the name of the source may not be right. A simple real city example, or a clear made-up example, would work better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between the second body part and your main idea clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Begin each body part with one clear main point. Then give an explanation and an example. This will help the reader follow your ideas without effort.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. 'First of all' and 'For example' work well. However, 'Then' and 'Therefore' should show a clear link with the sentence before them.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter. Long sentences with many ideas can make the meaning hard to follow. For example, put the point about pollution in one sentence and the plan for new building areas in the next.
task response
You give a direct answer from the start and keep the same view in the ending.
task response
You include two useful ideas: making better use of limited city land and caring for the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and has both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as 'First of all', 'For example', 'Therefore', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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