IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Building tall apartment blocks is the best way for the city to welcome more inhabitants. I totally agree with that statement. I think that it is better to build more apartments than build a family home that requires extending the area of a place, and
also
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 because it is cheaper to buy an apartment rather than a house.
Body paragraph 1
Building flats requires less space than houses. If big metropolises want to create more houses to welcome new inhabitants, they will need more space, which can only be found in the periphery.
Furthermore
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, building sky scraper allows more people to live than just building a house.
For example
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, New York is the city of skyscrapers. The tall building allows more people in a small space. In consequence, it is easier to build a restaurant and facilities that are essential to daily life. Without these facilities, a big metropolis cannot welcome more population.
Body paragraph 2
By creating apartments, big cities reach a larger scale of residents, because it is cheaper to allocate an apartment.
For instance
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, big metropolises like London, which have a lot of universities, need to welcome students. To resolve the problem , they have to create cheap buildings because students cannot afford a house.
Moreover
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, it is easier to allocate a condominium rather than an individual place.
As a result
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, big capitals can provide, at the same time, more homes for tourists and for local inhabitants.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the best way for cities to provide homes is by creating large condominium like sky scraper, allowing a large diversity of residents to live there. In my opinion, I strongly agree with that statement because as a student, I will need a flat in the city where I will work , and cities like New York can fulfil my need.

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task response
You give a clear view and keep it from start to end. You give two main reasons: tall flats use less land, and flats can cost less. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why tall blocks are the best choice, not only a good choice. You could also note one problem, such as high cost or crowded areas, then say why tall blocks still help most.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, tall blocks do not always mean homes are cheap, and they do not directly make it easier to build restaurants. Explain the link: when many people live in one small area, shops, schools, and transport can serve them more easily.
task response
Your examples of New York and London fit the topic. Make each example more exact. Say how a tall block can house many homes on land where only a few houses could stand. For London, focus on student flats or low-cost homes rather than tourists, because tourists do not need long-term homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each main part has one central idea. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Words such as “For this reason”, “In contrast”, and “As a result” can help, but make sure the next sentence truly follows from the one before it. For example, the move from tall blocks to restaurants needs a fuller link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same where possible. You use “apartments”, “flats”, “condominium”, “homes”, and “buildings”. “Flats” or “apartments” would be clearer if used most of the time. Also, use “skyscrapers” or “tall apartment blocks”, not “large condominium like sky scraper”.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats your view well, but the personal point about your own future flat is not needed. End with a short summary of your two reasons instead: less land is used, and more people can live near city services.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show that you agree.
task response
The two main ideas are linked to the need for more homes in large cities.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present, and the body has two clear main parts.
coherence and cohesion
Examples from New York and London help make the ideas more real.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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