IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Often, it is said that the best manner of providing people with a home in large cities is to build big apartment blocks. Personally, I totally agree. I think that by doing so, the city is able to build several houses without taking up a massive space.
Furthermore
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, individuals could pay the rent
due to
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 the economic price.
Body paragraph 1
In big locations
such
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 as New York, Paris or Shanghai, providing homes to everyone is a very tough challenge. In the past, the most common was to have a house, but now the most popular are apartments. By creating tall buildings with many flats inside, governments are able to provide housing to the population without taking up a huge space.
Instead
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 of making large buildings, they make them much taller.
For example
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, in Madrid in the 60's, the government built several tall constructions in order to provide the population with a place to live.
Body paragraph 2
This
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 way of giving people somewhere to live is
also
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 very popular because the creation of
this
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 huge quantity of flats makes the price decrease considerably. The cost to live in large cities is a big problem. Some people are not able to pay the rent or mortgage, so they live in a homeless situation.
However
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, by creating these buildings with cheap flats, individuals in economic difficulties are able to live somewhere.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by David Attembough from the BBC
last
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 year stated that 85% of the American population with a low salary live in these types of homes.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that the best way of giving everybody a residence is by creating tall constructions with several apartments in them. By doing so, the space used is much reduced, and the prices are lower and
thus
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 affordable for everyone.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you support it with two main ideas: less land is used and homes may cost less. To make the answer stronger, explain why tall homes are the best choice, not only a good choice. You could also say why houses on the edge of a city may not work as well.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, say that many homes can be built on one small piece of land, so the city can keep land for parks, schools, and roads. For cost, explain that more homes can help meet demand, but rent may still be high in some cities.
task response
Be careful with facts that you cannot show are true. The BBC survey and the 85% figure do not sound safe. Use a clear general example instead, or explain a real case in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this plan. Start each body part with one direct main idea, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are clear, such as “Furthermore”, “However”, and “For instance”. Use them only when they show the exact link. For example, use “As a result” after a cause, and “In addition” when you add a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as “provide”, “homes”, “buildings”, and “huge”. You can use simple other words like “give”, “housing”, “blocks”, “tall homes”, and “flats”.
coherence and cohesion
Make a few sentences more exact. “The most common was to have a house” can become “In the past, more people lived in houses.” Also, “live in a homeless situation” can become “be homeless.”
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly state that you agree.
task response
Your two main points are relevant: tall blocks use less land and can help more people find homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well, and the ending restates your main ideas clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are easy to follow because each one focuses on one main reason.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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