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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In order to solve traffic problems, the government should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transport. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

Recently, with the urgency of fostering public transport to address traffic issues, several argue that it should be done by utilizing funds from additional taxes for private automobile owners.
This
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 strategy can bring
this
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 amenity to every resident;
on the contrary
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, it may
also
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 enhance the automobile's price. One potentially beneficial outcome of the policy is that it can make urban transport more accessible.
In other words
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, the government's higher income means more money to build and provide incentives for infrastructure development.
For instance
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, in Jakarta, the authority makes the Jaklingo, which is a minibus-based transit system, affordable for citizens, especially the impoverished ones. They subsidized its expenditures, and
this
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 approach enables those with a minimum wage to consume it daily and save their salary for alternative essential things.
On the other hand
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, one disadvantage of the solution will be increasing the cost of vehicles until they are unreachable by several.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
this
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 growth sometimes does not correlate positively with increased earnings. Take,
for example
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, that the average additional tax on car prices varies between 20% and 100% in Indonesia, which is relatively high for developing countries. If
this
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 figure were boosted,
then
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 individuals with low-paying jobs would likely not be able to afford it and would have no
further
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 option except to use public transportation.
However
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, if
this
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 facility is not developed around their workplace, they may struggle to commute to work. In conclusion, if the legislature raises the tax on private automobile owners and uses
this
Linking Words
 capital to improve general transport, it may tackle traffic light issues. One advantage of
this
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 strategy is that it can make any person able to use that kind of transportation,
whereas
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 the downside of it may raise the car's price.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction to the topic, outlining the main advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. This prepares the reader for the structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively. This includes linking phrases such as 'On the other hand,' 'For instance,' and 'In conclusion,' which you used well. To improve, consider varying your linking phrases to add more variety.
Task Achievement
Present and elaborate on both sides of the argument equally. While your essay mentions both advantages and disadvantages, make sure they are both developed fully and equally to maintain balance and meet the task's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Always restate your main points in the conclusion, providing a clear summary of the advantages and disadvantages discussed. Ensure the reader is left with a clear understanding of your position on the issue.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. You've done this with the example of Jakarta's public transport subsidies, which adds credibility and depth to your argument. Continue using specific, detailed examples to strengthen your essay.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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