IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people nowadays are living in megacities, which are cities with more than 20 million inhabitants. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In most societies, it is becoming increasingly common to live in a megacity, which has more than 20 million people. I strongly believe that it is a negative development.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are more appliances,
such
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 as educational institutions and physical accompaniments, in downtown
that
Check wording
areas that
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 are able to contain more than 20 million
citizenry
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.
This
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 is because large
center
Change the verb form
centres
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 tend to have greater financial facilities which allow local governments to build and mantain wide number of public
appurtenances
Correct your spelling
amenities
.
For example
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, large authorities can provide numerous schools, physical machinery, and picnic areas for their society.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, as long as the population increases from 20 million in one city,
as a consequence
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, the traffic congestion and some environmental issues will appear in that place. To be more exact, these days, people's activities are negative effecting nature.
Besides
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, crowded areas require good infrastructure, and it
to call
Wrong verb form
calls
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 for greater financial resources and more time.
Furthermore
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,
according to
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 the garbage issue, individuals consume more food, and
this
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 trend leads to the emission of different types of garbage
,
Punctuation problem
;
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as a result
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, it will be negative affect for health of local residents.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 people would like to live in a high-quality life in
crowded
Correct article usage
a crowded
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 metropolis, I firmly believe that it can negatively impact our life, since as the human population grows, nature will become polluted.

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task response
Your main view is clear: you think living in very large cities is a bad thing. Keep this same clear view in every part of the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how traffic affects work, family time, and air quality, rather than only saying that traffic will appear.
task response
The first body paragraph gives a good point about schools and public places, but it does not clearly show why this point supports your view that megacities are negative. You could say that these good things do not make up for the bigger problems.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Instead of listing “physical machinery”, explain a simple case, such as people spending two hours each day in traffic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two body paragraphs, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. In the first body paragraph, begin with a line such as: “Although megacities offer many services, these benefits are not enough to make them a good choice.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the one hand” should normally be followed by “On the other hand” to compare two sides. Here, make the contrast clear: benefits first, then stronger negative effects.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear. For example, change “as long as the population increases from 20 million” to “When a city has more than 20 million people”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words like “negative” and “issues”. Name the problem each time: traffic, dirty air, waste, high costs, or lack of space.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion in the opening and ending.
task response
You include ideas about city services, traffic, nature, waste, and public costs. These are all related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and the ending repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “Besides”, and “Furthermore” show that you are trying to connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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