IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Is often argued that how
mother
Use synonyms
 should manage their time
take
Verb problem
to take
show examples
 care
thier
Correct your spelling
of their
 family
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government should have a
budged
Correct your spelling
budget
 to support them
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, because
children
Use synonyms
 need the guidance and closeness of
mothers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 women would like to continue their careers or jobs.I will explain
what
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 role
Change preposition
of
show examples
the government in
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Body paragraph 1
Reserchs has confirmed that the care of
mothers
Use synonyms
 are essential to make sure that
children
Use synonyms
 will reach their full potential, growing stimulated not only will develop their intellect, but it
also
Linking Words
 develops their emotional capacity and social skill,
for example
Linking Words
 the doctors say that if babies look at faces's
mother
Use synonyms
 their feel the security they need,
However
Linking Words
mothers
Use synonyms
, like a woman, they wish to work to make a living and allow them sosialize healthily, for that, they should balance between a
mother
Use synonyms
' responsibilities and job time.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 need to learn
liave
Correct your spelling
to love
 their
mothers
Use synonyms
 to be in contact with other people and
children
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 go to to kindergarden, they will become independent people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their
mothers
Use synonyms
 could work
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
 with others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should ensure the proper care of all
children
Use synonyms
, partially subsidized to vulnerable families.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
mother
Correct subject-verb agreement
mothers
show examples
 should spend enough time
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 after their
love own
Correct word order
own loved ones
show examples
,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to balance
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
job and family
times
Check wording
time
show examples
, and the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families with budget issues.

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task response
Give a clear answer at the start and keep the same view all the way through. You say you partly agree, but your main view is not fully clear.
task response
Talk more about the main point: if the state should give money to mothers. Explain who should get help, why they need it, and how this help would work.
task response
Your ideas about child care and mothers at work are useful, but add more detail. For example, say that help could go to low-income homes or to mothers with very young children.
task response
Use examples that clearly show your point. The example about children looking at their mother is linked to care, but it does not fully show why the state should pay mothers.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about why mothers need time with children. The second can be about work and what help the state should give.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and have many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and ending are present, which is good. In the ending, state your view in one clear sentence before you add the final point about state help.
task response
You address both family care and mothers’ work, so your answer looks at more than one side of the issue.
task response
You use a real example about young children and another about kindergarten. These help the reader understand your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “for example”, “in addition”, “therefore”, and “on the other hand”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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