IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is a natural process in which animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern era, the issue of conserving wildlife has been one of the most acute problem to the general public.
While
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 some people argue that protecting wild species from vanishing is a waste of public money and resources, as extinction occurs chronologically and naturally, I personally disagree with
this
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 opinion.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of my argument.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason why folks ought to preserve rare
animals
Use synonyms
 is that they play a vital role in the balance of the ecosystem and our lives. It is true that wild animal is an important part of the food chain.
For example
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, carnivores and herbivores have profoundly impacted each other in nature.
Therefore
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, if one type of animal goes extinct, other creatures will be influenced significantly.
Moreover
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, wild creatures
also
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 have a great effect on folks' social and cultural life.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they contribute to biodiversity that makes
this
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 planet fabulous and worth-living. What's more, some specific types of
animals
Use synonyms
 serve as an iconic symbol of some nation's culture.
For instance
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, cows are worshipped and cherished like God in some Indian religions.
Body paragraph 2
Another explanation for conserving wild species is that natural factors are not always the main cause of animal extinction. It is undeniable that millions of years ago, dinosaurs or dodos were wiped out of the Earth
due to
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 a gradual shift in climate, the rising of sea levels, and some spatial elements. But that fact doesn't mean that every
animals
Use synonyms
 are going to naturally vanish. People, surprisingly, are the main factor. Air pollution by vehicles and factories, deforestation for industrialisation and accommodation, ozone layer depletion, and even illegal hunting are mainly caused by human beings, causing mass extinction of countless species
due to
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 loss of shelter and food supply. To illustrate, rhinos were once hunted considerably for their horns, resulting in a significant loss in numbers.
As a result
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, humans have to take accountability to solve
this
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 problem and should do what is needed to safeguard biodiversity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that preserving wild creatures requires a massive amount of public money, that investment is noteworthy. As biodiversity serves as an indispensable aspect in both nature and residents' socio-cultural and daily lives.
Therefore
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 , conserving
animals
Use synonyms
 is a must, not only for us, but for our future generation as well.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that people should let animals die out. Keep this clear view in the first and last parts.
task response
Your two main ideas work well: animals help keep nature in balance, and people cause much of the loss. Add one more clear link to why this means people should act.
task response
Some examples are useful, such as rhinos and cows. Make each example more exact and explain its link to your main point in one short sentence.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. Instead of saying all wild animals make the world worth living in, explain how a loss of one animal can affect food, water, or farms.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a short, direct main idea. Then give an example, explain it, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer linking words in one long sentence. Some sentences have many ideas, so split them into two or three shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words more often, such as “animal species”, “extinction”, and “protect”. This will make the flow more clear than changing to “folks”, “wild creatures”, and “rare animals” each time.
coherence and cohesion
The final part repeats your view well. Make it stronger by saying clearly that people should prevent human-caused extinction, even if some extinction is natural.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
The rhino example is relevant because it shows how human hunting can push an animal close to death.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one central idea, and the order of ideas is logical.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and final parts clearly frame the essay and return to your main view.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extinction
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • natural selection
  • evolution
  • environmental changes
  • endangered species
  • conservation
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • genetic diversity
  • responsibility
  • accelerate
  • species adaptation
  • butterfly effect
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