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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support

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Introduction
It is often argued that
mothers
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 should devote most of their
time
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 to raising their
children
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 and that
governments
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 should provide them with financial assistance for doing so.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that
mothers
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 play an important role in child-rearing, I disagree that they should be expected to give up their careers or that
governments
Use synonyms
 should financially
support
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 all
mothers
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for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why
mothers
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 may choose to devote more
time
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 to raising their
children
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. Young
children
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 require considerable attention, particularly during their early years, when they develop basic social, emotional and communication skills. Having a parent available at home can provide
children
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 with emotional
support
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 and allow them to receive consistent guidance and supervision.
For example
Linking Words
, a mother who spends more
time
Use synonyms
 with her young child may be able to monitor their development, help with schoolwork and establish healthy routines.
Therefore
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, allowing
mothers
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 to prioritise
childcare
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 can have significant benefits for
children
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's well-being.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, I do not believe that
mothers
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 should be expected to spend most of their lives raising their families or depend on government financial
support
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. Many women have professional ambitions and valuable skills that can contribute to society and the economy. Leaving employment for a prolonged period may
also
Linking Words
 reduce their financial independence and make it more difficult to return to the workforce later.
Instead
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 of paying
mothers
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 simply for staying at home,
governments
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 should provide policies that allow parents to balance employment and
childcare
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,
such
Linking Words
 as affordable
childcare
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 facilities, parental leave and flexible working arrangements.
This
Linking Words
 would enable
mothers
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 to care for their
children
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 without having to sacrifice their careers.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending more
time
Use synonyms
 with young
children
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 can benefit their development, I disagree that
mothers
Use synonyms
 should be expected to make
childcare
Use synonyms
 their primary responsibility or receive government payments simply for staying at home.
Governments
Use synonyms
 should
instead
Linking Words
support
Use synonyms
 families through affordable
childcare
Use synonyms
 and flexible employment policies that allow parents to balance work and family life.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, say more about why support should be for all parents, not only mothers. This would answer the idea of fairness in a more full way.
task response
Your example about a mother helping a child is clear, but it is general. Add one more real-life detail, such as the cost of child care or how part-time work can help a family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, your main view, and ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, “However”, and “Instead”. You could also link the two main body parts more directly by saying that child care is important, but it should be shared by both parents.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have many ideas. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning even clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: the role of mothers in child care and help from the government. Your main view is clear and well explained.
task response
You give useful reasons for both sides, including child needs, work goals, money freedom, and help with child care.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states your view, and the ending repeats it in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a good order, and the example fits the point about young children well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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