IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is no doubt that learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly important in today’s
globalized
Change the spelling
globalised
show examples
 world.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should start studying a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in secondary
school
Use synonyms
, others argue that primary
school
Use synonyms
 is a more suitable stage. In my opinion, the benefits of introducing foreign languages at an early age outweigh the drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main advantages of learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in primary
school
Use synonyms
 is that young
children
Use synonyms
 can acquire languages more easily than older students. At an early age,
children
Use synonyms
 have a stronger ability to imitate pronunciation and remember vocabulary.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can develop better communication skills and become more confident in using another
language
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 helps improve cognitive abilities
such
Linking Words
 as problem-solving and critical thinking.
Body paragraph 2
Another benefit is that early
language
Use synonyms
 education can provide
children
Use synonyms
 with greater opportunities in the future. In today’s competitive job market, bilingual or multilingual individuals often have an advantage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning about another
language
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 exposes
children
Use synonyms
 to different cultures, which can encourage tolerance and respect for diversity.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages. Some people argue that primary
school
Use synonyms
 students should focus more on core subjects
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics and science. Adding another subject to the curriculum may increase pressure on young learners.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these challenges can be
minimized
Change the spelling
minimised
show examples
 if schools use engaging and age-appropriate teaching methods.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 introducing foreign languages in primary
school
Use synonyms
 may create some additional pressure, the long-term benefits, including improved
language
Use synonyms
 skills, cognitive development, and better career prospects, make it a worthwhile approach.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a more direct answer to the question in the first paragraph. Say clearly that the good points are greater than the bad points, and briefly name the main reason.
task response
Develop the bad side more. You mention extra pressure, but explain how this may affect young children, their time, or their work in other school subjects.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example. For example, explain how short games and songs can help a young child learn words without feeling pressure.
task response
Your main ideas are good and relevant. To make them stronger, show more clearly why each good point is more important than the bad point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad point, and ending. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas a little clearer. For example, after the point about job chances, add a sentence that shows how early learning gives children more years to build these skills.
coherence and cohesion
The words that link ideas, such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'However', are used well. Try not to use too many similar link words; sometimes a clear first sentence in a paragraph is enough.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear and matches your view. It could be even stronger if it repeated why the bad point can be managed, such as through short and fun lessons.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
Your points about easier learning, better thinking skills, future work, and learning about other people are all on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your writing easily.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present and work well together.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • receptive
  • proficiency
  • self-conscious
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • immersive learning
  • engaging language experiences
  • simultaneously
  • mastery
  • resources
  • trained language teachers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: