Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
believe that having
instant
messaging apps (like,
for example
, WhatsApp and Viber) on our smartphones has improved our
communication
. Others feel that it has only damaged the way that we communicate. With the commercial advent of the Internet and mobile phones in the late 1990s,
instant
messaging apps have achieved increasing prevalence in our society.
However
,
while
some believe that they allow us to communicate better, I agree with those who feel that they have harmed our interpersonal
communication
. On the one hand, being able to send
messages
instantly between smartphones has advanced our
communication
in certain respects. The greatest benefit of
instant
messaging is its cost, with most apps allowing
messages
to be sent for free when connected to Wi-Fi.
Consequently
,
people
are able to send a much higher volume of
messages
today than in the past.
Moreover
, as
instant
messaging is a silent form of
communication
, it allows
people
to remain contactable at all times. If your phone rings in a lecture hall or theatre, it is impossible to answer, but you can still send and receive texts without causing a disturbance.
However
, I believe that there are more arguments to suggest that
instant
messaging has negatively impacted our
communication
. One issue is that
people
tend to favour writing short texts over real face-to-face conversations.
Although
it may be possible to carry out a conversation in message form alone, I would argue that the quality of
this
conversation would be far lower than one conducted in person. Even worse, short-written
messages
can easily be misconstrued and,
as a result
, real meaning may be lost or twisted.
However
, in my opinion, the most damaging aspect of
instant
messaging is the impact it is having on our written skills. Texts use mind-boggling combinations of letters and numbers to convey meaning, and these abbreviations are having a detrimental impact on the language skills of young
people
today, who are often unable to spell or form grammatically correct sentences.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and addresses both sides of the argument effectively. However, it could benefit from a clearer conclusion that directly summarizes the author's opinion.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, explicitly linking sentences and ideas throughout the paragraphs could help. For example, using more transitional words and phrases can guide the reader more smoothly through the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and body paragraphs that effectively present and support main points.
task response
The arguments are relevant and well-articulated, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • educational opportunities
  • technical skills
  • digital future
  • cultural exposure
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • parental supervision
  • setting boundaries
  • behavioral impact
  • mental health
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