some countries encourage foreign companies to open in their country. many people think that government should focus on encouraging local businesses rather than foreign businesses. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, world business has rapidly developed. People always improve their skills and knowledge to be the best in the marketing field. The quick improvement in business has prompted challenges
in
most entrepreneurs especially in small and medium Change preposition
for
enterprises
. In my personal view, I agree with people who think governments should support local businesses
more than foreign enterprises
.
To begin
with, local businesses
had their own uniqueness in both products and services. This
will be a
main reason to attract tourists to come visit and spend their budget on local Correct article usage
the
businesses
. For Example
, in the South of Thailand
they have many popular local restaurants and distinctive products Add a comma
Thailand,
such
as traditional goods or beautiful
crafted souvenirs which can impress tourists not only foreigners but Change the adjective
beautifully
also
Thai peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
too
. Rephrase
apply
Those
above examples will have an impact in various parts, Correct determiner usage
The
this
will increase hiring rates and also
impact on
domestic Change preposition
apply
economical
activities.
Assuming thatCorrect word choice
economic
,
governments are allowed foreigners to create their Remove the comma
apply
businesses
in domestic countries. They might legislate to control foreign enterprises
to not ruin local business models. Due to
economic competition, there are a lot of businesses
in the market that will challenge all companies to improve their services and products. This
will be beneficial to consumers and governments will receive more taxes from entrepreneurs.
In summary, I totally agree with the statement that said
the government should support and encourage local companies more than international Verb problem
apply
enterprises
because this
will uphold the domestic economic system and it
will be beneficial to people in the country.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by matty10
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay presents a clear and logical structure. While your essay had a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion, it would benefit from clearer and more distinct paragraph organization to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Be diligent with the introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly address the task question and restate your main points succinctly. Your introduction successfully paraphrased the question, but the conclusion could have been more concise and reflective of your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. You have provided an example related to tourism in the South of Thailand, but additional specific and varied examples to support your points would enhance your response.
task achievement
Fulfill the task entirely by equally addressing all parts of the question. Your essay leans towards supporting local businesses but lacks depth in discussing the merits of foreign companies and a balanced consideration of the issue.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive main ideas. While your essay addresses the relevant topic, the ideas presented require more depth and exploration to fully answer the question. Ensure that each paragraph explores a single main idea thoroughly before moving to the next.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The example you provided about the South of Thailand is a good start, but additional and more varied examples are necessary to sufficiently expand and strengthen your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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