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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Since
people
Use synonyms
 are able to watch all the entertainment they want,
such
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 as videos or
movies
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, online, some
people
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 claim that
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 are no longer crucial in the technology-driven era. When others are convinced that
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 still play an important role both economically and culturally. After
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the merits and drawbacks of the issue, I firmly believe that
cinemas
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 and movie
theatres
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 are still
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, in terms of the issue, the rapid development
in
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of the
show examples
 internet and portable devices allows
people
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 to watch videos and
performances
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 whenever
we
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 want. The public can
also
Linking Words
 access all the entertainment online at a very low cost.
Hence
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,
people
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 have lower incentives to visit performance halls and
cinemas
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 because they can save not only time but
also
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 money when turning to watch videos online.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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,
cinemas
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 own better equipment,
such
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 as a larger screen and a sound system with higher quality. Some
people
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 enjoy going to
cinemas
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 to immerse
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
show examples
 the atmosphere created by
movies
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.
In addition
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, an increasing number of
people
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turn
Wrong verb form
have turned
show examples
 to
cinemas
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 in recent days
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my observation. They head to
cinemas
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 to watch musicals or comedies because they identify with the
value
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values
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 and culture generated by the shows.
Body paragraph 3
Apart from that,
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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also
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 play a vital role in
people
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's
connection
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connections
show examples
. It's a place where
people
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 can reunite and gather together.
For instance
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, most of my friends will hang out at
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 to watch
movies
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 or
performances
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 after having exams. Watching
performances
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 and
movies
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 is the best way to unwind and decompress.
Body paragraph 4
They
also
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 have a chance to have lunch or dinner before watching the shows, and share their comments after watching the shows, forming a closer connection
between
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with
show examples
 each
others
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other
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as a result
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 are still indispensable despite the
rapid
Rephrase
rapidly
show examples
 evolving technology, as it allows
people
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 to immerse
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
show examples
 the atmosphere and serve as a reason for
people
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 to hang out and reunite. The
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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also
Linking Words
 help to preserve lots of specific
culture
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cultures
show examples
.
As a result
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, the government and the public should support these
performances
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 by giving subsidies or simply going to watch the shows.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. However, the point about the economic role of theatres and cinemas needs more support. Explain jobs, ticket sales, food shops, or local business near these places.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need fuller detail. For example, say why a big screen and good sound cannot be copied well at home, and how this makes people want to pay for a cinema visit.
Task response
Use examples that directly support the question. Your example about friends going out after exams is useful for the social value, but add an example about culture, such as live plays that keep local stories and art alive.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two sides, and an ending. Still, the third and fourth body parts are very close in meaning. Put the points about the cinema experience and meeting friends in one body part, then use another body part for money and culture.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first line smoother. The sentence starting with “When others” is not a full sentence. Write one clear sentence that shows both views before you state your own view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. “Apart from that” and “They also” are not always clear because the reader may not know what “they” means. Name the subject again, such as “Cinema visits also give friends time to talk.”
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and ideas, such as “watching shows” and “theatres and cinemas.” You can use simple changes like “these places,” “a visit,” “live events,” or “films.”
Task response
You answer every part of the question: online entertainment, the value of theatres and cinemas, and your own opinion.
Task response
Your view stays clear from the start to the end: theatres and cinemas still matter because they offer a shared and strong experience.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one central idea, and the ending returns to your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph links such as “On one hand,” “Nevertheless,” and “To sum up,” which help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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