IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think this is causing problems in their countries while others feel that older people play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Nowadays, The number of older people is increasing and has become an increasingly significant issue ,
while
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 some people think that the number of older people is not increasing , I strongly believe that it's pretty right that the number of the older's community is increasing.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons for
this
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 viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
One of the man reason is that
causing
Wrong verb form
it causes
show examples
 a problem,
this
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 is mainly because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
societites we need
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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 crowd to contribute to development in our world .
In other words
Linking Words
 , they really are more passion more in
life
Use synonyms
 ,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 ISEF
they are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a group of younger folk
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
apply
show examples
participate in
this
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 event
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
As a result
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 , their mind think that helping
world
Change preposition
with world
show examples
problem
Check wording
problems
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another important factor is that older
play
Check wording
people play
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 an important role in
life
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
 is mainly because in our society older communities
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 their own respect and place .
In other words
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are really great leaders and wise,
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 in
life
Use synonyms
 ,
for instance
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, parents who can play a really good role to lead the families.
Therefore
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 , the world can learn more from them .
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are different points of
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
 on
this
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 issue ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
all
Verb problem
are all
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 right , because everyone sees it
in
Change preposition
from
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 different angles .
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
 is mainly because there clear minds and for the experience in
life
Use synonyms
 .

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Explain the problems of an older population, such as more need for health care and fewer young workers. Then explain the good role of older people, such as caring for children and sharing life knowledge.
task response
State your own view clearly in the first and last parts. Your view changes: at first you say the rise is a problem, but at the end you say both views are right. Choose one main view and support it.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Give a simple, real example and explain how it proves your point. The ISEF example is not clear and does not show why older people cause a problem.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, problems, good roles, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “One problem is that the country may need more money for health care.” Then add an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “because”, “for example”, “however”, and “therefore”. Do not repeat “this is mainly because” in every part.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part short and clear. Repeat your view and the two main points, but do not add new ideas there.
task response
You discuss both the possible problem and the useful role of older people.
task response
You give your own view and try to support it with reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”, to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • elderly citizens
  • life expectancy
  • public healthcare system
  • long-term care
  • pension costs
  • working-age population
  • tax burden
  • labour shortage
  • economic growth
  • valuable experience
  • pass on knowledge
  • provide childcare
  • community involvement
  • voluntary work
  • preserve traditions
  • intergenerational support
  • flexible employment opportunities
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