IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reason for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

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In recent times, extensive use of Mobile phones during leisure time has become ubiquitous.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is difficult to consciously reduce the usage of digital gadgets. I think that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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 there are various causes related to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 kind of harmful societal tendency is significantly a disadvantageous development. The primary reason is the addictive nature of digital devices and their capability to steal valuable time.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the appealing software applications, attractive games and other necessary features, every age group
people are thinking
Wrong verb form
thinks

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb people are thinking. Consider changing it.

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 that it is essential to complete the day-to-day activities in an effective manner.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young students are encouraged to use smartphones for their academic purposes,
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 enabling them to surf through the unnecessary content which are available on the websites.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to handle household expenditures
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as bill payments, booking and paying EMIs and taxes, digital devices are predominantly used. Even though there is an unavoidable need for technology, a major concern associated with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is sacrificing our health.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many young children are suffering from vision problems and the glasses are being worn by a majority of them. Young professional's health is still worsening gradually
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the lack of physical activity and concentrating more on unwanted information which leads to more anxiety. To illustrate
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many corporate firms have implemented gadget-free environments to assist employees with chronic mobile addiction and to increase
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 productivity. In conclusion, not only the mobile usage deteriorate well-being but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 it severely affects the lifestyle of people. In terms of mental health, it heavily impacts the family bonding and the relationships.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, technology must be wisely utilized in order to have positive growth.

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coherence and cohesion
While your introduction presents the topic effectively, consider rephrasing for clarity and conciseness. For example, you could simplify your first sentence to make a stronger impact.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and clear, but they could be further supported with more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument. Expand on your ideas and provide context.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points but could be more definitive in stating your overall opinion and summing up the implications of your arguments. Aim for a stronger concluding statement.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, stating that smartphone usage in leisure time is a negative development. This clarity of opinion is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
You used a range of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances the overall readability and engagement of your essay.
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