The number of older people is increasing. Some people think this is causing problems in their countries while others feel that older people play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
With an increasing ageing population in many countries, people’s views on whether
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matter is causing problems in or having a positive impact on their countries have been largely divided.
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essay will discuss both views, followed by my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
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the one
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hand, having a larger population of older people in a country can have multiple negative effects. The first one is an increased amount of pressure on healthcare systems. As individuals grow older, regular medical treatments become crucial, which means that governments may have to allocate a larger portion of their budgets to healthcare.
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creates an opportunity cost as the funds could’ve been used on other areas,
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as education and improving infrastructure.
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, having an ageing population insinuates a shrinking workforce, as there are fewer people producing goods and services, resulting in a reduced level of output, and ultimately slowing down a country’s economic growth.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, older folks can play a more important role in society than many people realise.
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, their accumulation of knowledge and experience can benefit younger individuals by providing advice and helping them make more informed decisions.
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, the elderly, particularly grandparents, can be of big help to working parents who may not have time to look after their children.
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,
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will be where they step in to aid parents in caring for their children,
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reducing their burdens and allowing them to fully focus on their careers.
Conclusion
To summarise,
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an ageing society may pose many financial and economic challenges, I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh the costs
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of the day, since the elderly can provide valuable experiences and support to the younger generations. After thorough analysis of
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subject, it is advisable for the government to focus more on devising strategies and creating suitable opportunities for them to remain active and be able to continue contributing to society for the foreseeable future.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your ideas stronger, add one real or clear example for each side. For example, say how more old people may make hospital waiting times longer, or how a grandparent may care for a child after school.
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Your main points are clear, but some claims need a little more support. Explain why fewer workers may slow growth, and explain how old people can share skills at work, in schools, or in the home.
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Your last paragraph gives a good view and a useful plan for the government. Keep the ending shorter and more direct. The phrase “After thorough analysis of this subject” does not add much.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words well, but do not rely too much on words such as “Furthermore”, “Additionally”, and “Therefore”. You can also show links by using clear topic sentences and by repeating key ideas, such as health costs, work, and family help.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are too long and hold many ideas. Break them into two sentences so the reader can follow the cause and result more easily. This is most useful in the first body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some word choices make the meaning less natural. Use “shows” or “means” instead of “insinuates”, and use “a lot of help” or “great help” instead of “of big help.”
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You answer all parts of the question: problems, the value of old people, and your own view.
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Your points are relevant: health care and fewer workers on one side, and advice and child care on the other.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea, and the ideas move in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the ending clearly returns to your view.
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