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Writing Samples
Band 4

World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leaderships than under female leaderships. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There are competing views about whether male or female leadership is a way to
prevail
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 peace around the
world
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 tragedies are mostly caused by
men
Use synonyms
, I still believe that the era is an essential factor, and that
violence
Use synonyms
 won’t stop if we simply change the
gender
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
People who believe that leadership by
females
Check wording
women
show examples
 is a way of preventing
violence
Use synonyms
 and conflict around the
world
Use synonyms
. They think that if decisions back
then
Linking Words
 were made by a woman, they
won’t
Correct your spelling
wouldn’t
 be as vicious toward humanity, and peace
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 spread
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion might be
due to
Linking Words
 the tragedies that happened in
World
Use synonyms
 War 1 and
World
Use synonyms
 War 2.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you read anything about history and wars, there’s a little chance that you’ll find anything bad or chaotic made by a woman
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the majority is made by
men
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, I don’t think we could actually decide whether choosing women in leadership was a better way of stopping
violence
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 was not the case with
gender
Use synonyms
, they might be worse, because they never had a chance to lead back
then
Linking Words
 in the first place.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
violence
Use synonyms
 and conflict in
world
Use synonyms
 history
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 enough evidence
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the lack of
leading
Replace the word
leadership
 skills in
men
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
For example
Linking Words
, when decisions are made. They are often
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
 and beneficial for
men
Use synonyms
 only, but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays, when decisions are made by females, they
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 beneficial for humanity in general, not for a specific
gender
Use synonyms
, and they’re often about rights that women need but
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
show examples
 have, but
men
Use synonyms
 already had centuries ago.
Conclusion
To wrap up,
although
Linking Words
 the majority of problems were made by
men
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that doesn’t mean women can’t do worse, and reaching peace shouldn’t be associated with
gender
Use synonyms
, but with logic and abilities.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. You seem to disagree that women are always better leaders, but you also say women may bring fairer decisions. Explain how far you agree in one clear sentence.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real example. Your point about the two World Wars is useful, but explain why these wars show the limits of judging leaders by gender alone.
task response
Avoid claims that are too broad, such as women will make decisions for all people. Some female leaders can also choose war, so focus on the person, the time, and the political situation.
task response
The third paragraph is very short and repeats an earlier idea. Add more detail about why male-led decisions may serve men, or remove this point and develop your stronger argument instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction with your view, one paragraph on why people support female leaders, one paragraph on why gender alone cannot bring peace, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one full topic sentence. For example: “Supporters of female leadership say that women may be less likely to choose war.” Then explain and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas with commas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “However” should introduce a contrast, but your paragraph after it does not clearly contrast with the paragraph before. Make the change in idea clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your main view. It should briefly say that peace depends on skill, good judgment, and the situation, not only on whether a leader is male or female.
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear overall idea: gender alone cannot guarantee peace.
task response
You use world history and the two World Wars as a relevant example for the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example,” “However,” and “To wrap up” show that you are trying to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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