IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now,while others thinks that their earnings should be saved for future.discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In recent years, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 noticed that earning
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is very attractive for better
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
. It is a topic of debate that people think that it should be saved for
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that it
should be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 alright to spend
money
Use synonyms
 in present. In my opinion, saving
money
Use synonyms
 is the security of our
future
Use synonyms
 expenditures.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, spending too much sometimes for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
show examples
 of
self satisfaction
Correct your spelling
self-satisfaction
 leads to social problems if not
controll
Wrong verb form
controlled
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty.
According to
Linking Words
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 study by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of
karachi
Capitalize the proper name
Karachi
show examples
, students are more likely
in
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 underconfident who spend more
money
Use synonyms
 in their daily life
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to social anxiety
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as depression. Some people
think's its
Correct word order
think it's
show examples
 worth it to spend as much as possible as
far
Use the right word
long
show examples
 as they are earning by their own and not depending on others.
Body paragraph 2
On the Other hand
Linking Words
,
Saving
Fix capitalization
saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is
investment
Correct article usage
an investment
show examples
 of
future
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is a smart mindset
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 youth. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 in
controlled
Correct article usage
a controlled
show examples
 manner
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you
obidient
Correct your spelling
obedient
 and organised in daily life tasks. It
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a sense of satisfaction, security and relaxation from
future
Use synonyms
 unpredictable expenses. In my opinion, spending
money
Use synonyms
 for basic living is crucial for life,
thus
Linking Words
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 the rest of
earning
Replace the word
the earnings
 in
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 account
sooths
Use the right word
soothes
show examples
 personal mindset.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
British
Correct article usage
a British
show examples
 survey, 90% of people save's their half of
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and spend half in
current
Correct determiner usage
their current
show examples
 living settings,
seems more happy
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem happier
show examples
, settled and are prepared for upcoming
surprised
Replace the word
surprise
 invoices.
Conclusion
In conclusion, saving and spending earned
money
Use synonyms
 have their own advantages and disadvantages.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 what matters more is
self satisfaction
Correct your spelling
self-satisfaction
 towards
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
( correct the english

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which is good. However, the first view needs more clear ideas. Explain why people spend now, such as enjoying life, meeting needs, or paying for travel and family time.
task response
Your main view is clear: saving is important for the future. Make it stronger by saying this clearly in the introduction and by giving two clear reasons, for example, help in an emergency and money for a home or study.
task response
Be careful with facts and numbers. The Karachi study and the British survey are not explained well, and they do not fully prove your points. Use a simple, real-life example instead, or explain how the fact supports your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, you move from spending for happiness to poverty, then to student anxiety. These ideas do not connect well. Choose one point and explain it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “On the one hand” for spending, “On the other hand” for saving, and “For this reason” before your opinion. Do not use capital letters in the middle of a sentence unless needed.
coherence and cohesion
Correct some key sentences so your meaning is clear. For example: “Spending money in a controlled way makes people more organised.” Also write “controlled,” “obedient,” “provides,” “soothes,” and “saves” correctly.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you write about spending now, saving for later, and your own opinion.
task response
Your idea that saving can give safety for future costs is clear and fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and include an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The phrase “On the other hand” clearly shows a change to the second view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • money management
  • financial decision
  • financial stability
  • instant gratification
  • desires
  • enjoyment
  • satisfaction
  • lasting memories
  • experiences
  • financial security
  • emergency funds
  • long-term goals
  • retirement savings
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