IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communications has had a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. > To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many people believe that the increasing
use
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 of phones and computers is harmful to
children
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’s knowledge and literacy
skills
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, modern technology is developing rapidly, and
children
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 can acquire a wide range of
skills
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 through digital devices
such
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 as mobile phones and computers.
For instance
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, in the past,
children
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 typically wrote essays by hand,
whereas
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 nowadays they often
use
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 keyboards, meaning that they have to develop typing
skills
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while
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 completing their written tasks.
Moreover
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, the increasing
use
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 of digital devices can have a positive effect on teenagers’ writing abilities, since some software enables them to identify and correct their mistakes rather than repeatedly making the same errors.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, excessive
use
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 of these technologies can undermine
children
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’s reading and writing abilities.
This
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 is because young people tend to spend a considerable amount of time consuming digital content,
such
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 as social-media posts and short messages, rather than reading lengthy and well-structured texts.
As a result
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, they may experience difficulties in understanding complex information.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 may gradually lose their spelling
skills
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 because they become overly dependent on autocorrect when writing.
Consequently
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, they may develop poor spelling habits without even being aware of their mistakes.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the increasing
use
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 of computers and mobile phones can provide
children
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 with valuable opportunities to develop their writing
skills
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, excessive reliance on these technologies may negatively affect their reading ability and spelling.
Therefore
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, I partly agree that the growing
use
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 of digital devices has had a detrimental effect on young people’s literacy
skills
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.

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task response
Your main view changes. At first, you say that you completely agree. At the end, you say that you partly agree. Choose one clear view and keep it from start to end.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but add one more real example. For example, show how short online posts may make it hard for a child to read a long school text.
task response
The first main part gives good points about typing and spell check, but link them more clearly to reading and writing skills. Say if these skills are as useful as writing by hand and learning to spell.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are mostly clear. You use words such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “Furthermore” well. Do not use too many links in one part; make sure each one shows a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
The opening could give a short plan of your two sides before stating your view. This would make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the full question and discuss both the good and bad sides of phones and computers.
task response
Your points about short online text, spell check, and autocorrect are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear main idea, and the ideas move in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending sums up the main points and returns to the question.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • read
  • writing
  • text
  • message
  • phone
  • computer
  • screen
  • online
  • book
  • story
  • article
  • blog
  • news
  • idea
  • spell
  • grammar
  • sentence
  • word
  • spelling
  • practice
  • habit
  • focus
  • attention
  • school
  • teacher
  • student
  • learn
  • improve
  • balance
  • rules
  • time
  • homework
  • class
  • discuss
  • feedback
  • typing
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