IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some parents believe that they should protect their children from doing any mistakes while others believe they should make mistakes freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
parents
Use synonyms
 argue that they should protect their
children
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 from
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
mistakes
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe they should make
mistakes
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 freely.
Although
Linking Words
 both views have merit, I assert that
children
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 should make
mistakes
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 freely to learn from their
mistakes
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 and never make the same
mistakes
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 again.
Body paragraph 1
Some
parents
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 believe that they should protect their
children
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 from their
mistakes
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, because they are still young and need an adult to protect them from making
mistakes
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 and prevent them from getting into
trouble
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who is ten years old needs
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
parents
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 to protect them from making
mistakes
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 and getting into
trouble
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should protect their
children
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 to prevent them
getting
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
 into
trouble
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 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the same
mistakes
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 constantly.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, others believe that they should leave their
children
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make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
mistakes
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 freely, because they should learn from their
mistakes
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 and never make the same
mistakes
Use synonyms
 constantly.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who make mistake may never make the same mistake again because he learned from the mistake.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
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 should make
mistakes
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 freely so they never get into
trouble
Use synonyms
 from making the same
mistakes
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 again and again.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 we discussed both views, I believe that
children
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 should make
mistakes
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 and learn from their
mistakes
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, so they never get into
trouble
Use synonyms
 from repeating the same
mistakes
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, your ideas are very short and repeat the same point: children learn from mistakes. Add a second reason, such as children learn how to make choices and solve problems.
task response
Explain the first view more fully. Parents may need to stop children from mistakes that can cause real harm, such as going near a busy road or using dangerous things.
task response
Your examples are too general. Give clear examples of small mistakes children can make, such as forgetting homework, spending all their money, or losing a game.
task response
Make your own view more balanced. You can say that children should be free to make small mistakes, but parents should step in when there is danger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your view. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph longer with a main idea, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same words and ideas many times, especially “make mistakes,” “get into trouble,” and “constantly.” Use simple changes such as “learn by doing,” “small errors,” and “repeat an error.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “Therefore” should show a clear result. In some places, add words such as “This is because,” “For this reason,” or “As a result” to show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns. Write “a child ... his or her parents,” or use “children ... their parents.” Do not write “a child ... them.”
coherence and cohesion
Improve a few sentence forms: write “leave their children to make mistakes,” “a child who makes a mistake,” and “prevent them from getting into trouble.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and clearly state your own opinion.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same in the whole essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “However” and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overprotection
  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Critical thinking
  • Societal judgment
  • Discipline
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Independence
  • Guidance
  • Balanced approach
  • Fend for themselves
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