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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that advertising is a major factor in driving consumer demand. Others believe that consumers are becoming more immune to advertising. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Many people argue that advertising is a major contributing factor to consumer demand,
while
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 others opine that
consumers
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 are becoming less susceptible to
such
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 promotional methods.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, followed by my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, advertising can indeed heavily influence
consumers
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' purchasing patterns by introducing new products or services to them and creating product awareness.
For instance
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, a smartphone advertised with more innovative features can prompt buyers to consider upgrading their phones, despite not needing to.
Moreover
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,
such
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 promotional methods often include many alluring sounds, colours, and other visual elements, which encourage customers' impulsive decisions when buying the products. Studies have shown that advertising videos for items that contain vibrant hues and strategic editing are directly associated with a higher level of sales.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, it has
also
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 been said that
consumers
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 are becoming less likely to fall victim to persuasive advertisements.
This
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 could be
due to
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 their abundance , as they can be seen everywhere nowadays, from billboards along the roads to local supermarkets.
Therefore
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, people are constantly being exposed to them
,
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apply
show examples
 to the point where they become less receptive to persuasive messages. In fact, psychology has proven that if one is consistently exposed to certain content, the likelihood of him or her being swayed by it can be reduced.
Additionally
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, negative word-of-mouth can
also
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 impact individuals' decisions when buying a product, since it stems from real user experience, and is generally considered more reliable than companies' advertisements, which only focus on creating good publicity.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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consumers
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 are becoming increasingly desensitised towards marketing tactics, advertising still remains an influential component in shaping purchasing decisions.
Hence
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, I believe that its ability to create demand and have an effect on
consumers
Use synonyms
' preferences outweighs the growing immunity towards it.
As a result
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, firms and businesses should continue using advertising strategically by adopting a more personalised approach and addressing specific customer needs and wants.

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Task response
Make your own view even more clear in the main body, not only in the last paragraph. For example, say why ads still have a stronger effect than people being used to them.
Task response
Add one more clear, real-life example for the second view. For example, people may check user reviews before they buy a phone, even after they see an ad.
Task response
The last sentence about what firms should do is relevant, but it is not needed. Use that space to explain your main view in more detail.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your view. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are a little weak. In the second body paragraph, make the link between seeing many ads and trusting them less more direct.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many parts. Split them into two short sentences when you give a reason and then its result.
Coherence and cohesion
Use key words from the question in each paragraph, such as "consumer demand", "advertising", and "less open to ads", so the main point stays easy to follow.
Task response
You discuss both sides of the question and give a clear personal view at the end.
Task response
Your ideas are on topic. The phone example clearly shows how ads can lead people to buy things they did not plan to buy.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows what the essay will do, and the conclusion brings the two views together.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and gives reasons to support it. This makes the essay easy to read.
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