Is teaching people over 65 to use computers the best way to spend government money? To what extent do you agree?
It is widely thought that providing free education for using
computers
for elderly residents is the best way to spend the national budget
. However
, I strongly disagree with this
argument for several reasons.
Granted, one might argue that various aspects of one country could benefit from teaching citizens over 65 years old to use
computers
. This
is predicated on the assumption that getting proficiency in computer skills could help seniors to be more self-reliant. This
, according to
this
theory, results in elderly people
not depending on their sons, daughters or grandchildren. However
, this
only works if they need to use
computer skills for many complicated purposes, for example
in the form of calculating a complex worksheet or designing a movie with a lot of effects. Meanwhile, some elderly people
would want to enjoy their time with their friends rather than doing these tasks. Furthermore
, they could use
smartphones which are simpler to do many tasks such
as writing an email, reading the news on the internet or booking an appointment with a doctor. There are convincing reasons to say that governments
should not invest in offering free courses to teach seniors to use
computers
.
On the other hand
, I believe that governments
need to allocate their budget
to address such
problems being more than important and urgent. Firstly
, the national budget
should be spent on developing the educational system to cater for children under 18 years old. Once one child is equipped with good skills and knowledge, he or she could contribute to the development of different aspects. Therefore
, governments
would not need to offer free computer lessons when they would be elderly people
in the future. Secondly
, governments
could invest a huge amount in tackling environmental issues as they would have more effect on a lot of people
. There are compelling pieces of evidence to say that governments
have many emergency tasks rather than spending their attention as well as
budget
on teaching seniors to use
computers
.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that teaching people
who are over 65 years old to use
computers
is not the best way to allocate the national budget
because they might not need this
skill to serve their lives better whereas
governments
have such
urgent problems which must be addressed as soon as possible.Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on
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coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement of your essay. While your argumentation is solid, the use of diverse sentences could make your writing more dynamic.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and develops the argument effectively; however, incorporating more specific examples and evidence could strengthen your points further. Try to include concrete examples or data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or further explanation. This will help ensure your readers can follow your argumentation more easily.
task achievement
You made a good attempt at addressing the prompt, but your essay can benefit from a wider scope of analysis. Consider exploring other perspectives briefly, even if to refute them, to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example