Is teaching people over 65 to use computers the best way to spend government money? To what extent do you agree?
It is widely thought that providing free education for using
computers
for elderly residents is the best way to spend the national Use synonyms
budget
. Use synonyms
However
, I strongly disagree with Linking Words
this
argument for several reasons.
Granted, one might argue that various aspects of one country could benefit from teaching citizens over 65 years old to Linking Words
use
Use synonyms
computers
. Use synonyms
This
is predicated on the assumption that getting proficiency in computer skills could help seniors to be more self-reliant. Linking Words
This
, Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
this
theory, results in elderly Linking Words
people
not depending on their sons, daughters or grandchildren. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
only works if they need to Linking Words
use
computer skills for many complicated purposes, Use synonyms
for example
in the form of calculating a complex worksheet or designing a movie with a lot of effects. Meanwhile, some elderly Linking Words
people
would want to enjoy their time with their friends rather than doing these tasks. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, they could Linking Words
use
smartphones which are simpler to do many tasks Use synonyms
such
as writing an email, reading the news on the internet or booking an appointment with a doctor. There are convincing reasons to say that Linking Words
governments
should not invest in offering free courses to teach seniors to Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
computers
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I believe that Linking Words
governments
need to allocate their Use synonyms
budget
to address Use synonyms
such
problems being more than important and urgent. Linking Words
Firstly
, the national Linking Words
budget
should be spent on developing the educational system to cater for children under 18 years old. Once one child is equipped with good skills and knowledge, he or she could contribute to the development of different aspects. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
governments
would not need to offer free computer lessons when they would be elderly Use synonyms
people
in the future. Use synonyms
Secondly
, Linking Words
governments
could invest a huge amount in tackling environmental issues as they would have more effect on a lot of Use synonyms
people
. There are compelling pieces of evidence to say that Use synonyms
governments
have many emergency tasks rather than spending their attention Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
budget
on teaching seniors to Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
computers
.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that teaching Use synonyms
people
who are over 65 years old to Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
computers
is not the best way to allocate the national Use synonyms
budget
because they might not need Use synonyms
this
skill to serve their lives better Linking Words
whereas
Linking Words
governments
have Use synonyms
such
urgent problems which must be addressed as soon as possible.Linking Words
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on
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coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement of your essay. While your argumentation is solid, the use of diverse sentences could make your writing more dynamic.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance and develops the argument effectively; however, incorporating more specific examples and evidence could strengthen your points further. Try to include concrete examples or data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or further explanation. This will help ensure your readers can follow your argumentation more easily.
task achievement
You made a good attempt at addressing the prompt, but your essay can benefit from a wider scope of analysis. Consider exploring other perspectives briefly, even if to refute them, to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example