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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobby
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SOME INDIVIDUALS ARE OF THE CLAIM THAT recreation must be tough to have fun, I totally disagree you can achieve happiness with an easy avocation.
Firstly
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, I believe the main reason to have a pastime is to escape from the hardships of life, that's why hobbies should not be an extra burden and make people feel more sad and miserable when they can’t do it,
for example
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, failure in some hobby,
in addition
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 to the difficulties of life can cause a mental breakdown,
therefore
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 I disagree with the opinion of these population who said its more enjoyable.
Secondly
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, choosing a pastime should be within the field the one they prefer regardless of its difficulty, the one that will raise their standard of happiness is finding something they really enjoyable with, to playing chess will not make them happier just because chess is harder than swimming, in may view choosing hobby you adore more important.
Thirdly
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, easy pastimes
such
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 as yoga, drawing, travelling and taking photos can clear the mind and studies have proven that , so doing something you adore, simple and immersed in it can help the crowd with life stress , unlike the hard hobby,
also
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 easy to commit it doesn't require mental or physical effort, clearly easy pastimes have benefited more than the difficult one. In a nutshell, if some folk love challenging avocations I support them, and that's because they love it not because difficult hobbies are better and more enjoyable
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coherence cohesion
Introduction could be clearer. Consider outlining your stance more explicitly in the introduction to set a strong, clear foundation for your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples. This will help illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your ideas are well-linked. Using clear topic sentences would help in achieving this.
task achievement
Proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and presents a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Main points are organized in a logical order, making it easy to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
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