IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are Still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many people say that in our age, theatres and cinemas are not important. Others state that they continue to have a crucial role in our society. Personally, I totally believe that they are still important because they have both an economic and cultural role.
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays, a large part of the population thinks that places
such
Linking Words
 as cinemas and theatres are useless because people can enjoy films and plays online. They ask themselves why someone would travel to watch something they could watch at home.
In addition
Linking Words
, depending on the frequency with which these people watch entertainment, it could
also
Linking Words
 be cheaper than going to a physical place to watch it.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle has not gone to the cinema for five years because he prefers to watch the movie online at home.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are still individuals who state that these kinds of locations still remain useful. Their argument is that these places have an economic and cultural role in our society. Watching movies at the big screen was the first way to do it, so it has become a part of our tradition.
As a result
Linking Words
, theatres are amongst the most old long-standing ways of entertainment that continue in our days, which reinforces the idea of cultural interest.
Finally
Linking Words
, these two accommodations give big money to the country with the cost of tickets.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2019, the Spanish government stated in the BOE that in that single year, the big screen and physical spectacles raised up to €20 million.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, the opinion about physical or online entertainment is very different depending on whom you ask. Some prefer tradition,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer convenience and savings. I firmly believe that the tradition should go on as the years go by.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why cinemas and theatres matter for culture and jobs. For example, say how they help local shops, workers, actors, and new film makers.
task response
Your main view is clear, but the last line focuses mainly on tradition. Also restate the economic point there, because it is one of your main reasons.
task response
Some ideas need more care. Going to a cinema is not always more costly than watching online, because online plans can also cost money. Explain that home viewing may be cheaper for people who watch often.
task response
Use examples that clearly support the point. Your uncle is a useful example of home viewing. The Spain example could be stronger if you explain what the money shows, such as jobs or tax money.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. In the second body paragraph, the cultural point and the money point are joined too quickly; give each point its own short part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. “As a result” should show a clear cause and result. Here, “For this reason” or “This means that” may fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “these two accommodations” and “physical spectacles”. Say “cinemas and theatres” again. Clear repeated key words can help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice in key lines. Write “on the big screen”, “the oldest”, and “raised €20 million” or “made €20 million”, not “raised up to €20 million” in this meaning.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show why some people prefer online viewing, why others support cinemas and theatres, and you give your own view.
task response
The example about your uncle is clear and directly linked to the idea of watching at home.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader your main view, and the ending returns to it.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and phrases such as “On the other hand” help show the change to the other view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: