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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, people usually use their free time going to the clothes shops
buying
Correct word choice
and buying
show examples
 things for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. I believe that shopping has both positive and negative effects, because if somebody had a bad
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 they can relax by doing it, but
also
Linking Words
 buying a lot of clothing can affect the natural environment.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the positive effects of shopping is the possibility of relaxing. That means that when a person
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a bad day at their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
, they can go in the evening to the shopping mall and buy different things for themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, if their principal said that their
number of sales is
Correct word order
sales numbers are
show examples
 very low and they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be fired, they get stressed, so they can go shopping after work and buy something useful for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they get motivated and are ready for the next
work day
Correct your spelling
workday
.
Body paragraph 2
Unfortunately, shopping has its negative effects, too. One of
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 is the amount of clothes that are bought yearly. That refers to the
big number
Check wording
large amount
show examples
 of clothing people buy for themselves, which
usually
Correct pronoun usage
they usually
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
worn by them
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, it was registered a number of
approximatively
Rephrase
approximately
show examples
 80-107 billion clothing items
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may have been purchased worldwide in 2025,
although
Linking Words
 the exact total is uncertain.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the natural environment is getting increasingly polluted.
Conclusion
In conclusion, shopping can be useful, but sometimes it can cause damage to nature. It is necessary to buy garments, but you may know the limit of purchasing
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
, and protect the sustainability and environment.

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Task response
Answer the first question more fully. Say why shopping is popular, such as low prices, online shops, many choices, and the wish to feel good.
Task response
Develop the effects on both people and society. You explain stress relief and harm to nature, but add effects such as more jobs, more waste, debt, and pressure to buy more.
Task response
Be careful with the large number in the second body part. If you cannot show where it came from, use a clear general example instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each main part clearly answer one part of the question.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “For example”, “As a result”, “Unfortunately”, and “Therefore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between buying clothes and harm to nature more clear. Explain that making, sending, and throwing away clothes use water and make waste.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “for themselves” and “shopping” too often. Use simple other words, such as “items”, “goods”, “people”, and “this activity”.
Task response
You give both a good and a bad effect of shopping, and your main view is clear.
Task response
The example about a hard day at work helps show how shopping may make some people feel better.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, and they match the main points in the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • emotional satisfaction
  • consumerism
  • advertising influence
  • online shopping platforms
  • sense of pleasure
  • social interaction
  • boost the economy
  • compulsive shopping
  • materialism
  • environmental degradation
  • unsustainable demand
  • social inequalities
  • status through possessions
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