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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Air travel should be restricted because of pollution and the use of the world’s fuel. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that aviation should be limited
due to
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 its impact on the environment and the depletion of the world’s
fuel
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 resources. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because a significant amount of
air
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travel
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 is unnecessary, and restricting
flights
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 could have considerable environmental and economic benefits.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the excessive use of planes should be controlled. Nowadays, wealthy individuals often fly in private jets rather than booking seats on commercial
flights
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, which can transport many people at once.
In addition
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, airlines operate numerous services to short-distance destinations that could easily be reached by car.
Therefore
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, I believe that flying should be reserved for reasonable needs,
such
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 as travelling to isolated areas for work, visiting distant family members, or reaching countries that can only be accessed by
air
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.
Moreover
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, governments around the world should regulate aviation to reduce unnecessary journeys.
For example
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, to decrease the number of
air
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 trips in the region, the governments of Saudi Arabia, Syria and Turkey could cooperate on a railway project that would allow people to
travel
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 between these countries by train.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, restricting aviation could make a significant difference to the environment. Planes release enormous amounts of harmful emissions, which contribute to global warming and
air
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 pollution.
Therefore
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, reducing the number of
flights
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 could help address these environmental problems and support efforts to protect the planet.
Furthermore
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, reducing
air
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travel
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 would conserve
fuel
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 resources, as aircraft consume vast quantities of petrol. Excessive consumption could eventually lead to economic difficulties if global
fuel
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 production cannot meet demand.
For instance
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, during the Iranian Revolution, a decline in oil exports from the Middle East caused petrol prices to reach historic levels, leading some countries to reduce
flights
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 and reserve
fuel
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 for more essential purposes,
such
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 as electricity generation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that
air
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 transport should be regulated to reduce unnecessary
travel
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.
This
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 would help minimise environmental damage
while
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 conserving
fuel
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 resources and protecting nations from potential
fuel
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-supply emergencies.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, explain more clearly why some flights are needed but others are not.
task response
The train idea is useful, but the countries in the example may not be the best fit for the point. Use a more direct example, such as trains between close cities, or buses for short trips.
task response
The oil crisis example supports the fuel point, but it needs a clearer link to air travel. Say exactly how less fuel for planes can help a country in a fuel crisis.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this strong shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Most links between ideas are clear. You use words such as “Therefore”, “Moreover”, and “For example” well. Try not to use “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” when both parts support the same view; use “First” and “Second” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences carry many ideas at once. Split them into two shorter sentences when you give an example, so the main point is easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question fully and give a clear strong view. Your main reasons are about less need for some flights, less harm to the air, and less use of fuel.
task response
Each main part has an explanation and an example. This makes your ideas feel real and well supported.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas come in a clear order, and each paragraph stays on one main subject.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up your key ideas clearly and matches the view in the opening.
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