How much has the Internet has improved people’s lives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
I believe the
internet
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has greatly upgraded people's lives and has become inseparable from us. In
this
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essay, I will explain three main reasons behind
this
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phenomenon.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, the
internet
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brings huge job opportunities. In
this
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modern era, recruitment advertising is mostly published online, whether on the company's official website or on job portals like LinkedIn or Jobstreet.
This
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helps many companies share recruitment information and offers a feature for applicants to submit their applications. As well information provided, applicants can choose what kind of work
that
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apply
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they want and suit their future career.
Moreover
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, people have lots of choice applying to the job that offers good earnings.
As a result
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, they can improve their life by choosing a company that supports their career and pays a high salary.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, the online world
also
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creates easy access to knowledge. Today, there are many sources,
such
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as YouTube, Instagram,
or
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and
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TikTok, that contain many useful and insightful pieces of information.
For example
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, on YouTube, many doctors take videos and share health insights like how to build a healthy lifestyle through exercise, how to consume healthy food, and other relevant topics.
Therefore
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, we can get free learning materials and make our life better by following the knowledge we get from
.
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them.
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Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
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, the
internet
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also
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makes it easy for us to reduce stress as we can get a cheap and wide range of entertainment.
This
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technology drives massive entertainment content through international series, movies, and games.
For instance
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, after a long day of work or school, we can maximise our free time by enjoying our favourite series on online streaming platforms
such
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as Netflix, Disney, or HBO. So
then
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, we can recharge our energy, regulate stress even better and improve our life quality.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe society's lives are highly improved by the existence of the online world. As the
internet
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creates numerous opportunities, provides insightful advice, and produces various entertainment, society can get better work, free knowledge, and a playful way to keep sane. So, the
internet
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really improves people's lives a lot.

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Task response
Answer “how much” more clearly in the first and last parts. Say that the Internet has improved life to a great extent, but it also has some bad sides, such as false news, too much screen time, or online crime. This will make your answer more complete.
Task response
Develop each main idea with a clearer link to better lives. For jobs, explain that online job sites save time and let people find work in other cities. For learning, explain how free lessons can help people gain new skills. For fun, explain that low-cost entertainment may help people rest.
Task response
Use one more real example from your own life or knowledge. For example, you could say that you used an online video to learn a skill, find health advice from a trusted source, or look for a job.
Coherence and cohesion
Your four-part structure is clear: opening, three main points, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part state the main point in a more direct way.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. Avoid repeating “As a result”, “Therefore”, and “So then”. Use simple links that show the exact relation, such as “For this reason”, “This means that”, or “In this way”.
Coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences clearer. For example, change “As well information provided” to “With the information provided”. Change “the knowledge we get from” to “the knowledge we get”. Also, avoid very long sentences with many ideas.
Task response
You give three clear reasons: work, learning, and entertainment. All three are directly linked to the question.
Task response
Your examples of job sites, health videos, and streaming services are relevant and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, and the body parts are easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First and foremost”, “Secondly”, and “Thirdly” help the reader follow the order of your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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