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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

How much has the Internet has improved people’s lives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
I believe the internet has upgraded people's
live
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lives
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 a lot and has become inseparable
with
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from
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 us. In
this
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 essay, I will explain three main reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, the internet brings huge job opportunities. In
this
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 modern era, recruitment advertising is mostly published online, whether on the company's official website or on job portals like LinkedIn or Jobstreet. In
this
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 case, many companies share recruitment information, so that it connects applicants to employers.
Moreover
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, those portals even have a feature for applicants to submit their applications through their website.
Therefore
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, with
this
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 massive development, society is open to many opportunities to get work that they want.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, the online world
also
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 creates easy access to knowledge. Today, there are many sources
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such
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, such
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 as YouTube, Instagram, or TikTok
that
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, that
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 contain many useful and insightful pieces of information.
For example
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, on YouTube, many doctors take videos and share health insights like how to build a healthy lifestyle through exercise, how to consume healthy food, and other relevant topics.
This
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is
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apply
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means that we can get free education because of the advancement of technology.
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
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, the internet
also
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 makes it easy for us to reduce stress as we can get a cheap and wide range of entertainment.
This
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 technology drives massive entertainment content through international series, movies, and games.
For instance
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, after a long day of work or school, we can maximise our free time by enjoying our favourite series on online streaming platforms
such
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 as Netflix, Disney, or HBO. So
then
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, we can recharge our energy and regulate stress even better.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe people's lives are highly improved by the existence of the online world. As it holds information across the boundaries and breaks the real-world limitations, society can get better work, free knowledge, and a playful way to keep sane.

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task response
Give a more direct answer to “how much” at the start. For example, say that the Internet has greatly improved life, but it can also bring some problems.
task response
Your three main ideas are clear: work, learning, and fun. Develop each one more by showing how it changes daily life for real people.
task response
Use more exact examples. For work, explain how a person can find jobs in another city. For learning, explain how a student can watch a free lesson when school is over.
task response
Some claims are too wide. Instead of saying people can get “better work,” say they can find more job ads and send applications more quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, three body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas more natural. Do not use “In this case” when you mean a result. Try “As a result” or “This helps.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated words such as “many,” “massive,” and “easy.” Use short, clear links like “Also,” “For example,” “Because of this,” and “As a result.”
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one clear order: main idea, explanation, example, and result. This will help the reader follow your point.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, repeat your main answer in simple words and sum up the three ideas. Avoid new or unclear phrases such as “breaks the real-world limitations.”
task response
You answer the question clearly and give three relevant ways in which the Internet improves life.
task response
Your examples of job sites, health videos, and streaming services fit your main ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main point, so the reader can understand the plan easily.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First,” “Secondly,” “Thirdly,” and “In conclusion” gives the essay a clear path.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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