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Writing Samples
Band 6

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In
this
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 modern era, it is undeniable that education plays an important role in human development. Some individuals believe that university programs should include the
time
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 period of study abroad or
work
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placement
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 period in their courses. I believe that
this
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 trend has more advantages than disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my thoughts with some reasons to provide support for them.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying abroad or an internship in a
work
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placement
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 will help students to learn independent skills. To illustrate, when students live abroad for their studies, they have to cook food or find a job to survive there.
Thus
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, hustle will teach them to survive independently.
For instance
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, people who become successful in their lives mostly live independently and struggle in their lives.
Furthermore
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, youngsters will
also
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 learn practical skills
while
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 working in an internship, which will help them to grow in
this
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 competitive world.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some people think that
this
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 idea is just a waste of
time
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 for youngsters because in universities, learners have to study, and that study they need to use to get good jobs.
For example
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, in India, UPSC aspirants clear their exam because they spend most of their
time
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 studying, and don’t waste their valuable
time
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 studying abroad or in a
work
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placement
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.
Therefore
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, studying abroad or a
work
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placement
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 is not well-known among many youngsters.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 studying abroad or
placement
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 for
work
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 is a total wastage of
time
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Correct word choice
,
show examples
while
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 others believe that it helps to develop independent and practical skills

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task response
State your main view more clearly: say that the good points are greater than the bad points. Then explain why in each main part.
task response
Give fuller support for your ideas. Explain how living in a new country can help students grow, and how work time can help them get jobs.
task response
The India and UPSC example does not fit the main question well. It shows that study is important, but it does not show why all courses should or should not have work time or study abroad.
task response
Write a clear final answer in the last part. Your last line stops too soon and does not clearly say why the good points are greater overall.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make each main part serve your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part should be a disadvantage, then you should say why it is less important than the good points. At present, it sounds like an equal opposite view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care, such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'. This will make the move from one idea to the next easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words like 'studying abroad or work placement' in every line. You can also say 'this time', 'these plans', or 'this experience'.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear general view that these plans have more good points than bad points.
task response
You choose useful main ideas: being able to live on your own and learning work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' helps the reader see the main parts.
coherence and cohesion
The first main part has a clear idea, an explanation, and an example.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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