When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
people
choose their careers based on the salary offered. Personally, I disagree with the idea that money
is the key consideration in choosing a job
, i believe that other considerations are just as important as financial incentives.
On the one hand, I accept the idea who argue that money
is a fundamental reason for finding a desired job
, which is necessary to meet their basic needs. For instance
, individuals need a certain amount of salary to pay for their housing, food, bills, health care, and education. I believe that some work hard to look for some money
as a priority to cover these things, having a reasonable life as a result
. If people
choose their careers based on enjoyment or other non-financial reasons, they may find it difficult to support themselves in fulfilling their needs. Artists and musicians, for example
, are known as the ones who choose a career based on what they love, but it is not always provided with enough money
to live comfortably and make a family.
On the other hand
, there are other key measures in choosing a job
which are just as crucial as financial factors. Firstly
, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are the most important thing. For example
, having a good manager and friendly colleagues is a happiness which can improve a good quality of life. Moreover
, people
's feeling of job
satisfaction comes from professional achievements, the skills they get and the position they reach, rather than the money
they earn. Finally
, the reason why some people
choose a career is because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society.
In conclusion, while
some individuals consider the salary to be pivotal, I believe that other key factors like personal growth and professional environment, are equally important to be considered.Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on
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Grammar
Ensure that all sentences are complete and grammatically correct. For example, 'I accept the idea who argue...' should be 'I accept the idea of those who argue...'
Detail
Provide a more detailed explanation for each point you make. You explain well why money is important for some people, but the paragraph discussing other key considerations would benefit from further elaboration.
Coherence
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, use transitions like 'Moreover,' and 'Additionally,' to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay has a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame the argument.
Supporting Points
The main points are well-supported with examples, such as the discussion about artists and musicians.
Balance
The essay provides a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument about salary versus other job considerations.