IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people's life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions to address these issues.

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Introduction
Farmers are crucial for
basics need
Replace the word
basic needs
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 fields
become
Wrong verb form
are becoming
show examples
 less and less
worldwide
Correct word choice
widespread
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, areas that used to grow food products
beeing
Wrong verb form
are being
show examples
 transformed into
mall
Check wording
malls
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or commercial
complex
Check wording
complexes
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation may affect
custumers
Correct your spelling
customers
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 thesis.
Body paragraph 1
Farmin is the main
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 of human feeding. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
plaintain
Correct your spelling
plantain
, rice, vegetables, milk, eggs, etc. Because of the levels of
demands
Check wording
demand
show examples
, technicians
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of machines to make it easier to produce food. Nowadays, more buildings are constructed in
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
 that used to produce
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 products. As
results
Check wording
a result
show examples
, there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 ingredients on the
markets
Check wording
market
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
govermrment
Correct your spelling
government
 imports
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 from other countries to stock
to fill
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the shops.
Body paragraph 2
Although
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 new shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 was built
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 areas. Whenever
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 somebody build one gas station, automatically a buissnessman build a store, next
laundry
Correct article usage
a laundry
show examples
,
furthermore
Linking Words
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 wash.
Then
Linking Words
, the place
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a busy area. One possible solution is
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 governors are supposed to restrict people to used farm areas
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any activities other than
plant
Wrong verb form
planting
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, no matter
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how
is the community development is helpful
Correct word order
helpful the community development is
show examples
,
but the
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
agriculture is crucial.
Overall
Linking Words
, beside of buiding gas
station
Check wording
stations
show examples
,
appartment
Correct your spelling
apartment
 laundry
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc.
show examples
, the population needs to consume
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 in their daily life.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task. Explain both the effects on the environment and the effects on people’s way of life. Your essay mainly talks about food supply, but it does not clearly discuss the environment.
task response
Give clear ideas about the environment, such as less green land, more traffic, more air pollution, and less space for animals. Then explain how each change happens.
task response
Develop the effects on people’s lives. For example, food may cost more, people may need to buy food from far away, and local farmers may lose work.
task response
Your solution is useful: the government should protect farm land. Add more detail: set clear rules, stop building on key farm land, and use empty city land for new shops.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, effects on the environment, effects on people, and solutions with a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. Do not move too quickly from farm land to machines, food imports, and shops.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as “although”, “whenever”, and “therefore” are not always used in the right way. Try simple links: “First”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “To solve this problem”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion short and clear. Restate the main effects and the main solution. Avoid adding a long list of buildings at the end.
task response
You understand that farm land is important because people need food every day.
task response
You give a real example of farm land becoming malls and other business places.
task response
You include a government action to protect farm areas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show cause and effect with ideas about less food and food from other countries.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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