IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In contrast
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 to previous generations,
children
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 today are granted greater
freedom
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 in making everyday decisions,
such
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 as what they eat and wear.
Although
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 some argue that
this
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 trend may lead to selfishness in adulthood, I support
this
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 trend, and
this
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 essay will examine both perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, those who oppose
children
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’s autonomy in decision-making argue that granting young individuals unrestricted
freedom
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 could negatively affect social interactions. Childhood shapes individuals’ future lives since
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 that become deeply ingrained during
this
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 period can be difficult to change later in life.
Therefore
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, if they become accustomed to putting their own interests
first,
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they may not only develop a self-centred attitude, but
also
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 show little consideration
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 others.
Consequently
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,
this
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 tendency could have detrimental effects on social cohesion.
For example
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, some studies revealed
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 who demonstrate poor collaborative skills in the workplace had been raised with unrestricted autonomy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, advocates of giving
children
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 the right to make personal choices contend that
this
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freedom
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 cultivates a profound sense of responsibility. When parents encourage
children
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 to choose their own food or clothing, they not only provide them with the opportunity to practice making responsible decisions in a safe environment under parents’ supervision, but
also
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 teach them to take on the accountability for their decisions and to encounter the natural consequences of their choices.
For instance
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, when
children
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 opt for a certain snack, they must accept the outcome of their choice
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 it results
satisfaction
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in satisfaction
show examples
 or regret.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 granting unlimited autonomy to
children
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 could foster an excessive individualistic mindset, giving
freedom
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 within a structured framework can enhance the sense of responsibility in
children
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. Ultimately, parents should strike a balance between empowering
children
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 with
independency
Replace the word
independence
 and setting reasonable boundaries to mitigate the potential negative consequences.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your view even stronger, explain more clearly why choice with limits is better than either full freedom or no freedom.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more detail. For example, say how parents can set limits while still letting children choose.
task response
The work example is too general. Give one clear example of a child making a choice, making a mistake, and learning to think about other people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your final view. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words such as “Therefore” and “Consequently” are used well, but there are many long sentences. Split some of them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the second body paragraph and your final view more direct. State that children should choose small daily things, while parents still guide bigger or less safe choices.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the risk of self-focused behavior, the good side of choice, and your own balanced view.
task response
Your ideas are mostly well explained. The point that children can learn from the results of their choices is useful and fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up both sides and shows your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings the two views together well and gives a sensible answer: freedom should come with clear limits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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