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Band 7

The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

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The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The presented bar chart demonstrates the figures of individuals from various
age
Use synonyms
 groups having
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
. The units are measured in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, males surpassed females in
heart
Use synonyms
 attack rates in all ages, with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 difference in numbers between both genders over 65
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 aged between 45-64
years
Use synonyms
 have slightly
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attack figures than those above 65
years
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 a substantial gap is observed between
women
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same
age
Use synonyms
 comparison.
According to
Linking Words
 the provided graph,
men
Use synonyms
 above the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 recorded 440
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
 were slightly less, with 374 injuries.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, males between 45 and 64
years
Use synonyms
 had significantly higher
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 than females in the same
age
Use synonyms
, with
Check wording
group, with
show examples
 424 for
men
Use synonyms
, and around 136 for
women
Use synonyms
, a drastic difference in comparison to other
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, reports for
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 between 29
-
Correct word choice
and
show examples
44
also
Linking Words
 showed a notable gap, with 123 and 3, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, heart, attacks, years, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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