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Band 6.5

The graph gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.

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The graph gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010.
The given logical line graph illustrates the preference for cinematic experience of Australians,
according to
Linking Words
 their age groups, between 1990 and 2010. Figures are given in percentages. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the youngsters tended to watch cinema
,
Rephrase
more
show examples
 than other communities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 over the given period. Apart from that, both
(35
Correct article usage
the (35
show examples
-49) and the eldest age
group
Use synonyms
 increased their interest in a considerable proportion across the time period.
To begin
Linking Words
, (14-34) ages stood at 90, as the largest enthusiast
group
Use synonyms
, tended to
increase
Use synonyms
 their preference
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by 10,
at the end
Linking Words
 after
stabalising
Correct your spelling
stabilising
 at 90, over a decade. Apart from that, being the third considerable
group
Use synonyms
 at the beginning, (35-49) individuals, had a magnificent
increase
Use synonyms
 from 60 to 80 in 2006, which fueled their
tend
Replace the word
tendency
 to
achived
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 85 in 2010. It is worth mentioning the fact that, as the least engaged social
group
Use synonyms
, the grey population averaged 40 in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 after that, they showed a gradual
increase
Use synonyms
 to 60
at the end
Linking Words
. More importantly, young elders, who aged (25-34
)
Punctuation problem
),
show examples
managed
Use synonyms
increase
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
 to 80 in 2000, and
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off until 2006, before
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reporting a slight decrease
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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