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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think that it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.

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Introduction
Some people choose to move to another
country
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 after retirement,
while
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 others believe that staying in their
home
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country
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 is a better option. Both choices have their own advantages, depending on a person’s financial situation, lifestyle, and family relationships. In my opinion,
although
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 moving abroad can provide a more enjoyable lifestyle, retiring in one’s
home
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country
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 is generally more practical.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, moving to another
country
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 can offer retirees a better quality of life. Some countries have a warmer climate, lower living costs, or better facilities for older people.
In addition
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, retirement can be an opportunity to experience a different culture and enjoy a more relaxing lifestyle.
For example
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, a retired person from a cold European
country
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 may choose to live in a warmer
country
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 where accommodation and daily expenses are more affordable.
This
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 can allow them to enjoy their retirement without spending too much money.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, remaining in the
home
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country
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 has several important benefits. Retirees can stay close to their family members and long-term friends, who can provide emotional and practical support.
Furthermore
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, they are already familiar with the language, culture, healthcare system, and local environment.
This
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 can make everyday life much easier, particularly when they need medical assistance.
For instance
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, an elderly person may find it difficult to communicate with doctors or deal with unfamiliar systems in a foreign
country
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, retiring abroad can provide new experiences, a pleasant climate, and potentially lower living costs.
However
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, I believe that staying in the
home
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country
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 is usually a better choice because retirees can maintain close relationships and have access to familiar services and support.
Therefore
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, unless there are strong financial or personal reasons to move abroad, remaining at
home
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 is the more sensible option.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly and give your own view from the start. To make the answer even stronger, add one more clear reason why moving abroad may not work well, such as being far from family in an emergency.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas, but they are quite general. You could give a more real example, such as a person who moves for warm weather but later needs help from children or a doctor who speaks their own language.
task response
Your view is clear and stays the same from the first paragraph to the end. Keep doing this. You can also show that the best choice may change from person to person, based on health, money, and family.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and a final paragraph. Each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "Furthermore", and "For instance". To avoid using the same pattern too much, you could also use simple links like "Also", "As a result", and "Because of this".
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph gives a good summary and repeats your view clearly. You could make it a little shorter by not restating every point, and instead end with one strong final reason.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why some people move, why others stay, and what you think.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to understand: life abroad may be warmer and less costly, while home gives family help and known services.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a natural order, and the examples come after the points they support.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss and gives your view. The ending returns to that view in a clear way.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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