IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

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Introduction
With the development of novel technology and tendencies, modern result-oriented and financially capable individuals crave
on
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exploring novel
aspects
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism based on
space
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. Obviously,
the
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space
Use synonyms
travelling
Replace the word
travel
 would become one of the remarkable achievements of human beings. From my perspective, the trend is a double-edged sword, which reflects both pros and cons.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
, the positive aspect of the trend sheds light on its constructive nature. More positively, spacecraft holidaymaking would pave the way for industrial development.
As a result
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, massive job opportunities with luxurious earnings
,
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 may be created
,
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 in the hospitality, technology and transportation sectors
,
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 by strengthening global economies.
On the other hand
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, individuals who apparently lead
charotic
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charmed
 lifestyles would be offered novel
experience
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experiences
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 on spending their vacations in the
sapce
Correct your spelling
space
, which
improve
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improves
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 rejuvenation
aspects
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.
For example
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, NASA,
who
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which
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 plays the key role in research and development in
space
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 accommodation, has currently estimated the commercial value
,
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apply
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 that would be hit.
According to
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 them, it has
positive
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a positive
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 effect on decreasing global unemployment and poverty rates,
in
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to
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 a considerable
way
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extent
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
the
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apply
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space
Use synonyms
travelling
Replace the word
travel
 may be an extravagant and massive project, which may require massive investments. More importantly, most of the governing bodies have to ensure the basic needs, rather than
such
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large scale
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large-scale
 projects in their mother countries, as they should secure their welfare
aspects
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,
such
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 as healthcare and education.
On the other hand
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, civilisation in
the
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apply
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space
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 may lead to
cause
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pollution in those geographical areas
and
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,
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as well as
Linking Words
in the earth
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on Earth
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.
Lementably
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Unfortunately
, rocket and
space
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 shuttle
operating
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operations
 will lead to severe air,water,land and sound pollution.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 global ecologists, humen is responsible for the largest proportion of global calamities, and the result of
space
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 accommodation
it
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apply
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will
be happend
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happen
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 even in
the
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apply
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space
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Looking from an
overall
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 perspective, it is evident that ‘Change is inevitable’. More importantly,
large scale
Correct your spelling
large-scale
,
scientific based
Replace the word
science-based
 commercial
aspects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
space
Use synonyms
 travel
,
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 would be beneficial in economic values, yet it reflects severe communal and environmental drawbacks. In that aspect, every governing body ought to
steps
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step
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 forward to understand the effective money
managment indutries
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management industries
 to
,
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apply
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achive
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achieve
 sustainable growth across the world.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. Keep your main view clear from the start: space travel has good and bad sides.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how space tourism creates jobs, and why it may not help poor people.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. The point about people with busy lives needs a clearer link to space travel and holidays.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true. The NASA example is not well explained, and the claim about less poverty is hard to believe without proof.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, good sides, bad sides, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, jobs and rest are two different ideas, so give each one more space or use separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a more direct way: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid using “On the other hand” when you are adding another point on the same side.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences clearer. For example, after saying that space trips cost a lot, directly explain that this money could be used for health care and schools.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats ideas but does not give a clear final answer. End with one short sentence that sums up your view.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of space tourism, including jobs, cost, public needs, and harm to the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing paragraphs are present, and the body paragraphs are clearly divided into good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “To begin”, “For example”, and “On the contrary” to show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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