IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?" Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
technology
Replace the word
technological
 advances drive
people
Use synonyms
 to be enthusiasts to consider the
space
Use synonyms
 as an option for holidays in the future.
This
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 is a fascinating idea, but some would argue that
this
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 is not realistic. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will elaborate on the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 approach.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, from the positive side, we would see that spending a vaction out of the Earth on the
space
Use synonyms
 would be an unforgettable experience,
for example
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, Nasa journy to the surface of the moon is still mentioned as a miracle.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
now
Rephrase
apply
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all over the world are struggling because of traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
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 and terrible weather conditions
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in holidays times;
therefore
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, visiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 even just once would be a great
advanture
Correct your spelling
adventure
 for those who are excited to explore our planet.
For instance
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, a group of
astronomy
Replace the word
astronomers
 would accompany visitors;
therefore
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, these journeys would be
informatives
Replace the word
informative
 too.
Body paragraph 2
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, we must consider the cost of
such
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 holidays.
Although
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 we can go
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
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 journey once in a lifetime, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 cannot afford
this
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 too.
Additionally
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, there are not enough
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and
spacecrafts
Check wording
spacecraft
show examples
 for all potential visitors.
Secondly
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, the
vaction
Correct your spelling
vacation
 period is an issue too
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
such
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 a trip would take months or years.
For example
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,
Nasa
Capitalize the proper name
NASA
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 reports always
mentions
Correct subject-verb agreement
mention
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 that its scientists spend months
on their
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 to find habitable place on the
space
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Inconclusion
Replace the word
In conclusion
,
space
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 tourism is a new approach
not
Correct pronoun usage
that not
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
, and
this
Linking Words
 having some merits and demerits depending on
persons'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 point of view.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question by giving good and bad points. However, explain each point more fully. For example, say why a space trip would be special and why its high cost would stop many people from going.
task response
Some ideas do not fit the topic well. Traffic jams and bad weather on Earth are not strong reasons for space travel. Use points such as seeing Earth from space, new science work, danger, health risks, and harm to the air.
task response
Your examples need to be more exact. The Moon trips were not holidays for visitors, so they are not the best proof. You could write about private space flights or people who pay very large sums for short trips into space.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the ending state your own view clearly. At present, it repeats that there are good and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one or two points only. In the first body paragraph, the idea about traffic and weather moves away from the main point. In the second, link cost, lack of spacecraft, and long travel time more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully and correctly. Write “On the other hand”, not “One the other hand”, and avoid using “therefore” when the next idea does not follow directly. Simple links such as “also”, “however”, “for example”, and “as a result” are enough.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and spelling because these can make your meaning less clear. For example: “vacation”, “journey”, “adventure”, “facilities”, “informative”, and “In conclusion”.
task response
You give clear advantages, such as a special experience and learning about space, and clear disadvantages, such as high cost and limited spacecraft.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphing and clear signposts, including “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”, so the reader can follow the main direction.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples from space work, which shows an effort to make the answer more real.
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