IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In the present age, whether
progress
Use synonyms
 in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
field
Use synonyms
 is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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 goal or other types of development could be the one
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
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 sparked much debate. Some people assert that improvement in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 is the main goal that governments want to achieve,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that different types of development are important as well. Personally, I am in favour of the second view.
Body paragraph 1
Convincing arguments can be made that different types of
progress
Use synonyms
 are significant
as well as
Linking Words
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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. To start with,
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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field
Use synonyms
 could be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant goal which assist government and individuals. In other
word
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words
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, investing money to build healthy
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 can improve the outcomes
to
Change preposition
for
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 the
country
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;
therefore
Linking Words
, citizens do not need to travel to get medical treatments from other countries.
Moreover
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,
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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field
Use synonyms
, which is
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 my view,
is
Verb problem
apply
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the most important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 to enhance the future for both learners and society.
Achieved
Wrong verb form
Achieving
show examples
progress
Use synonyms
 in education can
improve
Verb problem
help
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 learners to get high quality of equipment and knowledge
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
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 them to achieve success in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, countries improved when the way of education was developed
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 means knowledge is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 vital part to
get progressed
Wrong verb form
progress
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 in
this
Linking Words
 era.
Lastly
Linking Words
, investing to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress
Use synonyms
 in
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
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field
Use synonyms
 could have beneficial results in the economic
field
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. Specifically, attracting tourism to a
country
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 causes habitats spend their vacation in
their countries
Fix the agreement mistake
the country
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 and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 the economy.
Body paragraph 2
I admit that, the economic
progress
Use synonyms
 is important
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could help to improve different parts of a
country
Use synonyms
. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 when a
country
Use synonyms
 has financial stabilities that assist them
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
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 almost every
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
 they need to work on.
Conclusion
In
summery
Use the right word
summary
show examples
, I would concede that development in the economic system is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
. Despite that, progressing in different fields is important as well, which improves the economic system in significant ways.

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task response
You answer both views and give your own view. However, the first view needs a full paragraph. Explain why many governments put the economy first, such as jobs, tax money, and better roads and schools.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Your health and education points are useful, but explain how each one helps the country with simple cause and result.
task response
Use a real or clear example. For example, say that good schools help young people get work and help firms grow. Avoid very broad examples such as “countries improved” without saying how.
task response
Your tourism example is not clear. Tourists are visitors from other countries, so say that they spend money in hotels, shops, and local travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and end. Keep this plan, but give one body paragraph to each view before you give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Economic growth is a main goal because it creates jobs and gives the state more money.” This helps the reader follow your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words, but make the links exact. Use “For this reason” for a result, “In addition” for another point, and “However” for the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject is not clear. For example, change “which assist government and individuals” to “This helps both the government and its people.”
task response
You clearly state your own view in the first paragraph and keep the same view in the end.
task response
You choose useful areas for progress, such as health, education, and tourism.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs and has an introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “To start with”, “Moreover”, and “Lastly”, to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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