In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in moving people from rural
areas
to cities
globally. While
some still hold to the conservative view, in this
essay I intend to argue that the disadvantages of this
phenomenon far outweigh its advantages. The reasons for this
are as follows.
First of all, it is an unrefutable fact that abandoning the villages and relocating to the cities
have put those rural areas
in a ghostlike and unproductive situation. In accordance with the demographic statistics of Iran published in 2020, more than 800 villages are completely depopulated. This
has resulted in an exponential drop in agricultural crop production and undermined the economic basis of the country consequently
. I think it is the responsibility of governments and authorities to keep the balance between urban and rural areas
’ demographic trends by regulating some incentive policies that encourage individuals to live in the countryside.
Secondly
and even more importantly, though, is the fact that moving rural population to cities
has led to a skyrocketing rise in urban population. Of course, moving to cities
would be accompanied by undeniable benefits like easy access to better educational, recreational and treatment facilities for the rural population, nonetheless
, I would contend that too much concentration of people in urban areas
has brought with it challenges such
as unemployment, inflation and other troubles that inhabitants have to struggle with them.
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the imbalance of inhabitants in urban and rural areas
would result in more irreparable damages in the foreseeable future. Perhaps, following the industrialisation era mechanisation in agriculture has fostered this
issue.Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, it would benefit from a clearer explanation of the reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This could be achieved by elaborating more on each point and providing stronger connections between them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are logically structured. The current structure is generally good, but smoother transitions between paragraphs and more detailed exploration of the main points would help enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and clearly stated, try to make the conclusion more impactful by summarizing the key arguments concisely. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
The essay displays a good understanding of the topic and clearly addresses the prompt, providing a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the main argument, and the conclusion restates the author’s position, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the demographic statistics of Iran, which support the main arguments well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.