IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Walking is known to be beneficial for health, yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to address this problem?

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Introduction
INTRODUCTION
Body paragraph 1
Walking is essential for health ,but fewer people walk nowadays.
This
Linking Words
 trend causes serious negative impacts,but effective measures can address the problem.
Body paragraph 2
The main consequence of less walking is poor health .A sedentary
lifestayle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 leads to obesity and heart disease .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,replacing walking with driving increases traffic congestion and carbon emissions,worsening air pollution in cities.
Body paragraph 3
To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue,governments should improve pedestrian infrastructure,
such
Linking Words
 as building safer
siderwalks
Correct your spelling
sidewalks
 and park trails.On an individual level,people can choose to walk for short trips or take the stairs
instead
Linking Words
 of elevators.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the decline in walking harms public health and the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
, it can be mitigated through better urban planning
anf
Correct your spelling
and
 healthy personal choices.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. Your essay talks mainly about the bad effects of less walking, but the task asks for reasons why people walk less. Add clear reasons such as long work hours, car use, unsafe streets, and poor footpaths.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. Explain how each reason makes people stop walking, and explain how each plan can help people walk more.
task response
Use one or two clear real-life examples. For example, say that people may drive to a nearby shop because roads are busy and there is no safe place to cross.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order: introduction, main points, and conclusion. However, the first body part should focus on reasons, not results, so the whole essay matches the question better.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the plan clearly: “One reason is…”, “Another reason is…”, “To deal with this…”, and “As a result…”. This will make the links between ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main purpose in each paragraph. A good plan is: first paragraph for reasons, second paragraph for what the government can do, and third paragraph for what people can do.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and word form carefully. For example: “lifestyle”, “sidewalks”, “environment”, and “and”. Also remove spaces before commas and full stops.
task response
You give useful plans, such as safer sidewalks, park trails, walking for short trips, and taking the stairs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and ending, and the conclusion brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The writing is short and direct, with clear main sentences in each paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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