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Band 7.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, it was reported that more and more young people have left school with negative attitudes towards learning.
This
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 essay will discuss some causes of
this
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 phenomenon and propose potential solutions.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason points to the insurmountable workload
students
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 receive each day. On top of lengthy school hours, most schools assign pupils piles of homework.
As a result
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, they may feel that their
time
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 for hobbies or socialising is being taken away solely to submit their assignments on
time
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, like clockwork.
This
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 leads them to feel increasingly unproductive as they gradually lose
time
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 to unwind or decompress, both of which are crucial for their mental well-being.Another possible cause can be the
teachers
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' teaching styles. To illustrate, many
teachers
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 may adopt rigid, strict teaching approaches, which can make lessons feel repetitive and demotivating, thereby limiting
students
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' passion for learning.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, some
teachers
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 with stern demeanours may be a major contributing factor to pupils' willingness to attend classes, as fear may be instilled in them.There are a few remedies that come to mind for
this
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 particular crisis.
To begin
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 with,
teachers
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 should keep schoolwork within the confines of the classrooms.
In other words
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,
students
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 should be allowed to complete their tasks in class so that more
time
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 is available to them at home.
This
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 procedure can significantly prevent learning fatigue, as they now have more
time
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 to engage in recreational activities of their choice.
Secondly
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,
teachers
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 can adopt more flexible and interactive teaching strategies,
such
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 as role-playing and brainstorming sessions, which more effectively support young scholars in developing their cognitive plasticity and fostering a more engaging educational environment.
Conclusion
To summarise, pessimistic outlooks on learning stem from various causes, from daunting workloads to inflexible teaching methods.
However
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, with appropriate tactics, these issues can be resolved, resulting in a more positive outcome for future
students
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.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. The causes are clear, but the help for young people could be wider. For example, add support from parents, schools, or job advice.
task response
Make the link between each cause and a bad view of study more direct. Say clearly how too much work, fear of teachers, or dull class time makes young people not want to learn.
task response
Use one short, real-life example for a main idea. For instance, show how a student with hours of home work may stop reading or doing school tasks with care.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. However, put the point about strict teachers in the same paragraph as teaching style. It now feels like a new cause, but it is very close to the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main point, why it happens, result, and example. This will make the ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “also”, “because of this”, and “for this reason” can show the link between ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Leave a space after full stops. For example, there should be a space before “Another possible cause” and before “There are a few remedies”.
task response
You deal with both the reasons for the problem and ways to help. Your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
The points about too much home work and more active class work are useful and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the final paragraph brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “To begin with”, “Secondly”, and “To summarise”, so the reader can follow the main order of ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
What to do next:
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