Many retired people today are choosing to live in other countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Many retired people have decided to live and spend their lives outside their motherland. In the following paragraphs, both
advantages
and disadvantages of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
viewpoint will be outlined before a conclusion is reached.
On the one hand, one of the benefits of being rest in other countries
is they would feel relaxed and release stress. It can be interpreted as a reward for those who put their efforts into their work for several years and got tons of pressure and also
can be considered as a new beginning of their lives in new countries
. Living in new countries
that have different cultures and customs, for instance
, the elders who live in the UK want to start their retired lives in one of the South East Asia countries
. They will find not only new traditions but also
new cultures and customs such
as food and lifestyle which they may find interesting and lively.
On the other hand
, it can be hard to access treatments in other countries
. Unless the suggestion of local people, it can be hard to comprehend their methods and processes for foreigners. For example
, hospitals may have the procedures of treatments different from the hospitals in the birthplace. Additionally
, Living abroad leads to the fading of family bonding. The country which elders selected to settle down to
far from their home so that means their bloodlines cannot come by and look them up as regularly as possible. Replace the word
too
Besides
, they could not do activities together as they religiously did in the past.
In conclusion, although
living in new countries
provides new experience
with retired people and makes them loosen up from their dedicated hard work, it can be a challenge for them to get access to health organisations Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
such
as hospitals when they are sick. Furthermore
, the bonding with their families may not be as tight as the old days.Submitted by nnatthinee on
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Structure
Ensure a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, followed by a conclusive statement. Your essay does this well, maintaining a logical flow that aids understanding.
Cohesion
Incorporate a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Consider varying your connectors and transitional phrases for a richer, more polished text.
Content
To achieve a higher score, deepen your analysis with more detailed examples and a wider range of ideas. Elaborating on examples with specifics can enrich your argument and make your points more persuasive.
Analysis
Avoid general statements or oversimplifications in your arguments. Provide more nuanced discussions and consider multiple perspectives where relevant. This can make your essay more comprehensive and thought-provoking.
Language Use
Pay attention to clarity in your wording to avoid any potential confusion. Precision in language will enhance your essay's effectiveness and readability.
Structure
A well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs outlining both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusive statement.
Content
Good use of examples to support your arguments, although further detail could enhance the depth of your analysis.
Language Variety
You have effectively used a range of vocabulary related to the topic, which enriches your essay and demonstrates language variety.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?