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Writing Samples
Band 6

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than showing the cultures or artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 need to demonstrate their own
country
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's objects rather than other
countries
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' culture and
artworks
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. I partly agree with
this
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 statement , as people should be aware of their own
history
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 and culture , and it helps to preserve
history
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 and heritage,
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however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they should not exclude foreign historical works, as it helps to people broaden their horizon.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 indicate the
history
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 of
countries
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, so they need to represent to the public the ancient local
history
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 and culture. The reason for
that is
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 the younger generation needs to learn and be familiar with their local
history
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 in order to boost their love towards motherland.
For example
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, when teenagers visit
museums
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, they grasp more information about their ancestors and their
history
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;
as a result
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, they will be proud of their
country
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.
Additionally
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, unique artefacts and ancestors' relics, ancient letters should be saved because they are proof of the historical period.
For instance
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, at the Islamic civilization center preserve an ancient religious book which represents the real
history
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 of Islam religion.
As a result
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 should focus on their own
country
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's
artworks
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 and artefacts.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, showing other cultures'
artworks
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 can
also
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 be helpful. The reason for
that is
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 when people investigate other
countries
Use synonyms
' work or artefacts, their horizons broaden. Visitors can learn the difference between their own
country
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 and other cultures and histories. By comparing them, they will have a better understanding of world
history
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.
For example
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, the Tashkent machine museum indicates ancient transport of other
countries
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 and their local transport.
This
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 clearly illustrates at what level
countries
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 in the past were developing.
Therefore
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, remaining foreign artifacts has own benefits.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
museums
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 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 need to prioritise local
history
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 and
artworks
Use synonyms
 to boost a sense of patriotism in youngsters ,
also
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 for preserving historical heritage;
however
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, foreign
artworks
Use synonyms
 need to remain in order to have a better vision of world
history
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. In my opinion, there should be a balance between them.

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task response
State your view more clearly at the start. You partly agree, so say that local work should have more space, but work from other countries should still be shown.
task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain how local art can help people know their past, and how foreign art can help people understand the wider world.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. Explain what people can see in the Islamic civilization center and how this teaches them about the past.
task response
Avoid a very broad claim such as foreign work helping people understand all world history. Say exactly what visitors can learn, such as different ways of travel, art, or daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, local works, foreign works, and ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part show the main point more directly. For example: “Museums should mainly show local works because they teach people about their own past.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a more natural way. Use “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “As a result” only when the next sentence clearly follows.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view: local works should come first, but foreign works should remain.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: protecting local history and learning about other cultures.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples in both body parts, which helps support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • local culture
  • traditions
  • tourists
  • economic impact
  • cultural exchange
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • educational experience
  • art movements
  • historical events
  • balance
  • feasible
  • sustainable
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