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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A number of
students
Use synonyms
 at university are willing to add various
subjects
Use synonyms
 to their main
subjects
Use synonyms
, whilst others reckon that dedicating all their time and attention is more crucial to studying for their qualification.
While
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 adding
subjects
Use synonyms
 to the curriculum might expand their learning circle, the focus on their future career based on main
subjects
Use synonyms
 might transform them into highly qualified specialists if they are totally concentrated on it. Personally, I believe that
students
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 have to concentrate on main
subjects
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 rather than adding some
subjects
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. On the one hand, supplementing non-related
subjects
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 to their career prospects might expand their educational circle.
That is
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 to say, by adding
subjects
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students
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 can be more wise and informed about various topics much more than the average student, studying only main
subjects
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.
For example
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, many
students
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 in the USA, try to add particular
subjects
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 to their major in order to be educated in most areas.
Furthermore
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, adding
subjects
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 to a particular area might change
students
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’ views positively on their chosen career. It is said, that during the exploration of new
subjects
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,
students
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 can change their careers
due to
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 the realization from another perspective. To illustrate, many undergraduates of one’s in British universities changed their major subject during the academic year owing to the exploration of new tastes.
On the other hand
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, the addition of new
subjects
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 might distract
students
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’ focus
due to
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 irrelevant
subjects
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 chosen by them.
This
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 is because many
students
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 get exhausted from studying
subjects
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 and begin to search for inappropriate
subjects
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. By studying these,
students
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 could begin to delude themselves
due to
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 low experience in life;
as a result
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,
students
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 might become bad-qualified specialists.
For instance
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, it is admitted in South Korea, that pupils who are applying to universities might strictly decide on their future careers, and not change their plans during their university years, for which I totally agree that
students
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 should choose their careers wisely In conclusion, before applying to universities, pre-
students
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 should consider and choose their professions wisely in order to not get confused later.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are well-articulated. The conclusion is quite brief and can be expanded to encapsulate the discussion better.
logical structure
Enhance coherence by using more linking phrases and clear paragraph transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Provide clearer and more specific examples to reinforce your points. Some examples provided are a bit vague and can be more detailed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas in more depth. While you present balanced arguments, there could be more elaborate explanations and insights.
complete response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and offers a clear opinion.
supported main points
Main points are well supported with relevant examples and explanations, although they could be more specific.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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