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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some would argue that acceptable behaviour should be shaped by
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others say that
schools
Use synonyms
 are the greatest place in
this
Linking Words
 regard.
This
Linking Words
 essay
would argue
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 that
although
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 have broad social interaction, I personally believe
parents
Use synonyms
 have a greater influence on children’s behaviour because they are the first people to impact a child’s morals.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, broad social interaction helps many pupils accept the differences.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that
schools
Use synonyms
 give children opportunities to socially interact with their peers and teachers with various backgrounds, which helps them understand the differences between how to treat someone around their age and somebody who has a higher status ,
such
Linking Words
 as teachers and other school employees.
As a result
Linking Words
, children learn how to respect their seniors and
also
Linking Words
 learn how to engage with others in a friendly manner.
For example
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 in Japan require students to engage in group activities
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning classrooms and hallways on a daily basis, teaching them cooperation
as well as
Linking Words
 responsibility.
However
Linking Words
, I believe social values start at home.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the leading factor in educating their youngsters to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decent
person
Check wording
people
show examples
. The primary reason for
this
Linking Words
 claim is that the number one example is the behaviour of
parents
Use synonyms
 themselves.
In other words
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first to influence their young children with their good manners, which causes them to imitate later in life.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngsters learn not only about being honest, but
also
Linking Words
 about respect and commitment.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child witnesses his father respecting his partner and taking his partner’s opinions into consideration before making a final judgment about a crucial decision that can have a huge impact within a family.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I find the claims about
schools
Use synonyms
 being the best place for learning morals
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 unconvincing.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 provide students with wide social interaction, I personally think that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a huge contributing factor in shaping minors’ public morals.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why home has a longer and deeper effect than school. For example, say that parents guide children every day from a very young age.
task response
Your Japan example is clear and fits the school view well. The parent example is less direct because it talks about one family choice. Add a more general example, such as parents saying sorry, keeping promises, and treating all people with care.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: opening, school view, parent view, and ending. Each main part has one main idea, an explanation, and an example. This makes the writing easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are repeated, especially "As a result" and "In other words". Use fewer set links, and make the link between ideas clear through the order of your sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same where possible. You use "children", "pupils", "youngsters", and "minors" for the same group. Using "children" most of the time will make the text more smooth and clear.
task response
Your position is clear from the opening and stays the same until the end: schools help, but parents have the greater effect.
task response
Both sides are treated fairly. You show how schools teach respect and working with others, then explain why parents shape early values.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear map of the essay, and the ending returns to the main point without adding a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help the reader see the change from one view to the other.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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