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Writing Samples
Band 4

Should parents give children money for doing household work?

4.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays,
parents
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 should handle household work with their
children
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 properly. I believe
parents
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 should give
children
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 opportunities to learn how to live in
this
Linking Words
 world, because it helps them plan for their future and manage their desires.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
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 should give
children
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 some money for doing household work.
This
Linking Words
 is because it gives them a chance to gain more knowledge about life and obstacles.
For example
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,
children
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 aged 7-10 years old should participate in volunteer work and receive a small prize.
Therefore
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, it increases their chances of success in life.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that it helps them become independent and intelligent.
In other words
Linking Words
, it opens new opportunities to accept the difficulties in adulthood and develop
their
Fix the agreement mistake
one's
show examples
 personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, statistics show that
children
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 who received financial support are more successful in managing their lives during college and marriage.
As a result
Linking Words
, show more progress in a variety of fields.
Conclusion
In conclusion, money is crucial for meeting some aspects of
children
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’s needs. I believe
parents
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 should be careful when giving money, because it may build selfishness and arrogance in their
children
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.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say if parents should pay children for house work, and explain when this is good or bad.
task response
Keep your main idea the same. Your body says parents should pay, but your last part warns that money may make children selfish. Explain how parents can avoid this, for example by giving a small amount only for extra jobs.
task response
Use examples that fit the question. Volunteer work and money from parents are not the same as being paid for house work. Use jobs such as washing dishes, cleaning a room, or taking out rubbish.
task response
Explain why each point is true. For example, children can learn that work takes time, money has value, and they need to save before they buy things.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the link between each idea stronger by keeping each body part on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion. Do not use “Therefore” or “As a result” unless the sentence before clearly causes the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence complete. Write: “As a result, they show more progress in many parts of life.”
coherence and cohesion
The first sentence is not clear enough. You can write: “Parents should decide carefully how children help with house work.” Then give your opinion in the next sentence.
task response
You give a clear main view that children can learn about life and become more independent.
task response
You include both good and bad sides of giving money, which shows you have thought about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use signpost words such as “To begin with”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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