Art classes such as painting or drawing are important for children's development, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days,
art
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degrees,
such
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as painting and drawing, can play an important role in children's lives.
This
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essay will discuss and will explain the reasons why I disagree that
this
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schedule should be compulsory for high school, since conscription has different interests and personalities.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, artistry
classes
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can provide several benefits for young people. Painting and drawing can develop creativity and help children to express their thoughts and emotions in the arts.
In addition
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, these
lessons
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may improve concentration and patience, as students have to pay attention to small details. And, it helps people to escape from their daily problems and relax after a hard period of studying.
Therefore
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, learning
subjects
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like
this
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can contribute to children's concentration and development.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I do not think
art
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classes
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are compulsory for every high school student. First of all, not every student is interested in
art
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lessons
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, so they may feel bored or lose motivation during these
lessons
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. They may prefer to spend more time on special
subjects
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such
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as math, science or languages, since
subjects
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like these may be more beneficial for their future career or education.
Moreover
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, a compulsory artistry degree may take up students' time that would be spent on other important educational programs.
Therefore
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, encouraging all students to study craft may not be the best way to improve their development.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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art
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classes
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can develop creativity and concentration, I do not believe that
art
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classes
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should be compulsory in high school. Because
,
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apply
show examples
they do not have enough time to spend on
subjects
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like these
due to
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necessary
lessons
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: art should not be a must for all high school students. Keep this same clear view in all parts of the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For example, say why time spent on art may harm study in math, science, or language, and show how this can affect a child’s future.
task response
Add one short, real-like example. For instance, a student who wants to study science may need more time for science work than for drawing.
task response
Use the right words for the topic. Say “art classes” or “art subjects”, not “art degrees”, “artistry degree”, or “craft”.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first paragraph more direct. Instead of “This essay will discuss and will explain”, state your view at once.
coherence and cohesion
Link each idea to the next one more smoothly. Use simple links such as “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “As a result” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
The last line is not clear. Say clearly that art should be a choice because students need time for other key subjects.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear view against making art a must.
task response
Your points about creativity, feelings, focus, and student interest are all related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and a conclusion that returns to your main view.
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