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Band 4.5

The increasing availability of low cost airlines now lets people travel around the world.Some feel it is a positive development where others think it is negative overall.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Introduction
In recent years, affordable air travel has become widely accessible to millions of
people
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
While
Linking Words
 some argue
this
Linking Words
 leads to significant drawbacks, others
emphasize
Correct word choice
emphasise that
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend offers substantial advantages. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall elucidate both views of the argument with my support
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the latter viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
The predominant reason for preferring cheaper air travel is the availability it facilitates. Precisely,
people
Use synonyms
 who belong to middle or lower income backgrounds can even access these services at a minimal cost with no additional charges.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study conducted by
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 government revealed
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to commute by plane increased by 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 when the fares came down significantly. Eventually,
this
Linking Words
 makes a fair choice to everyone who really
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to travel irrespective of their social status.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the harmful effects of these should
also
Linking Words
 not be undermined. Primarily, the bird ecosystem is heavily
detoriated
Verb problem
deteriorated
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due to
Linking Words
 the continuous exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harmful gases from the aircraft, resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
major impact on their livelihood.
Consequently
Linking Words
, hundreds of birds die
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason. Not only
this
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, but it
also
Linking Words
 creates noise pollution for the local
people
Use synonyms
 who live near the airport. To clearly illustrate, over 100,000
people
Use synonyms
 live
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
beside
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 the airport
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 makes their lives difficult
in
Change preposition
on
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 a
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 basis.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 cheap flights do come with potential drawbacks, I firmly contend that the socioeconomic advantages are far more compelling in terms of a cost-effective approach, promoting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable growth to foster the upcoming generation.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why cheap flights are good for people and why the bad effects may or may not be worth it.
task response
Your main good point is that low-cost flights help people with less money travel. Add other clear gains, such as seeing family, work, study, or travel between far places.
task response
The points about birds and noise are relevant, but they need more care. Explain how more flights cause these problems, and give a more believable example. Avoid claims such as 'hundreds of birds die every day' unless you can support them.
task response
Your final view is clear, but the last line brings in 'sustainable growth' without showing how cheap flights are sustainable. This does not fit well with your earlier point about harm from planes. State why the good points are greater, even with these harms.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example, begin the first body paragraph with 'Cheap flights make travel possible for people with lower incomes.' Begin the next with 'However, more air travel can harm the environment and people near airports.'
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. In 'Eventually, this makes a fair choice', say exactly what 'this' means: lower fares and wider access to flights.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. 'Precisely', 'Eventually', and 'Not only this' are not needed here. Simple links such as 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In addition' will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. The first paragraph can explain access and social fairness. The second can explain environmental harm and noise, with one short example for each if needed.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present good and bad sides and clearly say that you support low-cost air travel.
task response
The essay uses relevant ideas, including lower costs for people with less money, harm to birds, and noise near airports.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the two sides and tells the reader your view.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are placed in a sensible order, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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