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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past people used to wear their traditional clothes depending on their culture. Nowadays the trend is changing and people wear different clothes. Is it a positive or negative development? How does it affect certain societies and people’s behavior?

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Introduction
In the past, people commonly wore traditional clothing that reflected their culture,
whereas
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 today most choose modern styles
instead
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. I see both sides of
this
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 development
: modern
Punctuation problem
. Modern
show examples
 clothing is considerably cheaper, more comfortable, and easier to find anywhere in the world, but the loss of traditional
dress
Use synonyms
 makes societies look increasingly alike.
Body paragraph 1
I believe we should teach our children about our culture and encourage them to embrace it,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 during holidays when everyone wears traditional
dress
Use synonyms
. Diversity and culture go hand in hand, so we should not be ashamed of our heritage or language. People should
also
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 welcome other cultures, since
that is
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 what makes us different from one another.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, traditional clothes are often formal and come at the price of comfort. They are
also
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 unavailable in other countries, which is a problem for students studying abroad. Fashion is subjective, so we can draw on our cultural background
while
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 still keeping the comfort of modern clothing.
Body paragraph 3
When traditional
dress
Use synonyms
 disappears, the customs attached to it often fade too, so younger generations grow up with less understanding of where their families come from. Festivals and ceremonies lose part of their meaning when nobody dresses for them, and they gradually become ordinary days. Older generations may feel their heritage is being abandoned, which creates distance between them and their grandchildren.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
this
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 development has both benefits and costs. Modern clothing offers comfort and affordability, but societies should make an effort to keep traditional
dress
Use synonyms
 alive rather than letting it disappear entirely.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. You say there are good and bad sides, but the question asks if this is good or bad. State which side is stronger, then keep this view through the essay.
task response
Give more direct detail on how clothes change people’s actions. You explain the effect on older and young people well, but add how modern clothes may make people feel more free, or less tied to their group.
task response
Use one or two more real examples. For example, say what people wear at a wedding, a school day, or a public day. This will make your points more full and easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
The order is clear: you give both sides, then the effects, and then a short end. To make it even smoother, put all good points in one body part and all bad points in another.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas in the second part are close but not fully joined. Start it with a clear main line, such as: “Traditional clothes help keep culture alive.” Then give the holiday example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show cause and result more often: “because”, “so”, “as a result”, and “for this reason”. This will help the reader follow the move from clothes to culture, family, and public events.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You discuss the good side of modern clothes and the loss that can come when traditional clothes are not worn.
task response
Your points are easy to understand. Comfort, cost, travel, culture, family, and public events are all useful ideas for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an end. The last part returns to the main ideas and gives a balanced final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “However”, “for example”, and “In conclusion”. These help the reader see how your ideas connect.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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