IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some hlep. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, give details of your study plans explan why you want to get a part-time job suggest how your friend could help you find a job

7.5 / 9
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Dear Ali, I’m writing to request your help in finding a part-time
job
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 in your country, as I have enrolled in a one-year university course where you live, and in order to cover my living expenses, I need a
job
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 that allows me to work
while
Linking Words
 studying at university. My study course is in regulatory affairs pharmacy, and it takes one year. It has two semesters, including theoretical and practical modules, which enable me to apply my academic knowledge to the workplace and gain real-life experience. The main reason for getting a part-time
job
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 is my limited budget, because the university doesn’t provide me with a dormitory. So, I have to rent a home, which will place additional financial pressure on me. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, I have to find a part-time
job
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. I was wondering if you could give me information on
job
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 market websites, which are popular in your country,
as
Correct word choice
so that
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 I can directly communicate with employers and choose jobs that suit my skills and experience. Thank you for your consideration and time. I look forward to hearing from you. Take care, Mohammadreza

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task response
Add more clear study details, such as the school name, start date, and class times. This will help your friend know what kind of work you can do.
task response
Ask your friend to do one or two clear things, for example, ask at local shops or tell you about jobs at the school.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: study plans, money needs, and help. Use a few linking words, such as “also”, “because”, and “therefore”, to make the links even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are quite long. Split them into shorter lines so your ideas are easier to read.
task response
You answer all parts of the task: your study plan, why you need work, and how your friend can help.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are warm and fit a letter to a friend. Each main idea is in its own paragraph.
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