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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, there is an increase in the number of parents who educate their children at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
The issue of whether parents should educate their
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 at
home
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 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some people believe that it is benefical idea,
while
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 others argue that it is
waste
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a waste
show examples
 of time and they can learn at
school
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.
This
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 essay will examine
both
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 perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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both
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 arguments have
thei
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their
 merits,I firmly believe that it is
good
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a good
show examples
 notion to educate
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childern
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children
 at
home
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for teaching
children
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 at
home
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 argue that it is
useful
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a useful
show examples
 idea to support the
child
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 and be more
confortable
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comfortable
.
For instance
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,if a
child
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 does not feel
confortable
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comfortable
 at
school
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,he can study at
her
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apply
show examples
home
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.
In addition
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,many
children
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 cannot go to
school
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 because medical issue
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
he
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 must learn at
home
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.
For example
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,if a
child
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 had
accident
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an accident
show examples
 and broke
both
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 of his legs,he can not
goes
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go
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 to
school
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 ,so he will study at
home
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that the parents should not educate their
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childern
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children
 at
home
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 emphasise that the
children
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 might feel
boring
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bored
 at
home
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 because
he
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they
show examples
 cannot create
realationships
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relationships
 and friends.
For instance
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,if a
child
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 hasn`t seen any people or friends for years,he might feel
depression
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depressed
.
In addition
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,many families encourage their
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childern
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children
 to go
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school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 because it gains
childern
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 be fitness.
For example
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,if a
child
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 goes to
school
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 ,he will
walk always
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always walk
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,so her health is better
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then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 the
child
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 who
study
Correct subject-verb agreement
studies
show examples
 at
home
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on
both
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 sides,I firmly believe that
the
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apply
show examples
parents should educate their
children
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 at
home
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 and take care of their health.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it is benefical notion to educate
children
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 at
home
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.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view to the end. Your essay says home teaching is good, but some reasons are not fully explained.
task response
Build each main point with a clear reason, then explain how it supports your view. For example, say that home learning can help sick children keep up with lessons, but it may not be best for all children.
task response
Use more balanced ideas. School can give friends, group work, sport, and help from trained teachers. Then explain why you still think home learning is better, or say it is only better in some cases.
task response
Make examples more exact and more natural. The example of a child with broken legs is useful, but it shows short-term learning at home, not always being taught at home.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about health and personal help. The second can be about the loss of friends and school life.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not repeat “For instance” in every point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match the body. You say home learning is good for health, but the body also says school helps children stay fit. Explain this difference clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Write complete and clear sentences. Check who “he” or “she” means, and use the same word form: “children”, “study”, and “go to school”.
task response
You answer the question and give your own view clearly.
task response
You include reasons and examples, such as health problems and the need for friends.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “To sum up”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tailor the curriculum
  • personalized educational experience
  • safe learning environment
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • social issues
  • extracurricular activities
  • social interaction
  • social development
  • real-world skills
  • academic progress
  • flexibility in scheduling
  • unique circumstances
  • special needs
  • standardized assessments
  • accountability measures
  • quality of education
  • frequent travel
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